You always want to be recognized, but panic every time someone digs too deep into your true self. You always want others to understand that you are kind, intelligent, humorous - but only to a moderate extent, don't understand too deeply. Because deep down, they may discover that you are sometimes selfish, sometimes also pretending to be busy to avoid helping someone, sometimes also liking to play with drama but still showing off your charm.
Where does this conflict come from? From human self-defense instinct. Everyone has a perfect version of themselves that they want the world to see, but at the same time they are afraid that if others understand it, they will not have the opportunity to adjust that image anymore. In other words, we want to control how others perceive us, without realizing that the more we control, the more we conflict with ourselves.
Look at real life. Have you ever met someone who often posted meaningful status lines like: "Sometimes I'm so tired, just want to give up..." but if someone asked directly: "Why? Look at it!, then they replied: Nothing, dont worry? That is the syndrome of "wanting to be understood but not wanting to be fully understood".
Then in romantic relationships, no one has ever had a moment to exclaim: "I just want you to understand me!". But if the other person really understands the things you don't say - such as the fact that you are actually jealous because he just liked a photo of another girl - then you will be upset: "Why do you dare to think you are so small?". So the vicious cycle continues.
We want to be understood because it proves that we are valuable, but we are afraid of being understood because it means we cannot hide anything anymore. Finally, the way to get out of this vicious cycle is to accept that no one is perfect, and that someone who understands all about us is not something to be afraid of. Because if a person truly understands you - both good and bad - but they still choose to stay, then that is the most genuine connection. If someone only likes your glamorous version, then they don't deserve to worry too much.
So, if someone understands you well, thank them, instead of being afraid. Because at least you don't have to live in the obsession of having to hide yourself anymore. What if you are still afraid? well then... just continue photoshaping your life, as long as you can endure that simulation!
