In married life, disagreements between young couples are inevitable. Instead of listening to each other, many couples choose cold war to maintain their personal views.
Silence sometimes helps both of you calm down, but if it lasts, it can become a distance that is difficult to fill.
Having been married for more than 1 year, Ms. Thai Ha (27 years old, Thai Nguyen) admitted that her husband and she often remain silent for a long time after each disagreement.
According to Ms. Thai Ha, the conflicts between the two spouses mainly revolve around taking care of children, money and housework.
When the argument becomes tense, she often chooses not to say anything because she is afraid that if she continues, the argument will go further.
There were times when I was very angry but didn't want to say anything more. I think it would be better to let both of us calm down and talk later.
But sometimes silence for a while becomes a few hours, then a whole day. My husband also doesn't take the initiative to speak, so in the end the two just ignore each other," Ms. Ha said.
What made Ms. Thai Ha realize the problem was not whether the couple was arguing or not, but that after times of silence, they were increasingly less and less sharing with each other.
“Before, if there was anything during the day, I would tell my husband. Now, whether there is something happy or sad, many times I think I won't talk anymore.
My husband is also like that, the two of us still live in the same house, take care of our children together, but sometimes it feels like we are in two different worlds," Ms. Ha confided.
According to Ms. Ha, the cold war was initially only seen as a period of time for each person to calm down. However, if there is no next step of proactively talking, the unresolved things will continue to exist.
Similarly, Mr. Hoang Nam (26 years old, Thai Nguyen) said that he and his wife once had a period of almost not talking to each other after arguments.
Mr. Nam believes that he is a taciturn person, who does not like to explain when angry. Therefore, whenever conflicts occur, he often chooses to go to work, come home and focus on work or play with his children instead of continuing to argue with his wife.
At first, I thought silence was a way to avoid saying harsh words. I also thought that when I calm down, everything will pass by itself.
But in reality, there are things that do not disappear on their own. If you don't say it, you will continue to argue next time because it's the same issue," Mr. Nam shared.
According to him, the scariest thing is not the times when husband and wife argue, but the time when both of them no longer want to tell each other about things that happen in life.
There was a period when the couple only talked about necessary things such as picking up children, buying things, weekends going to the husband's or wife's parents' house.
As for work, what I think or feel, I almost don't share. I realized that at that time we didn't argue much anymore, but we weren't as close to each other as before," Mr. Nam said.
According to psychologist Mai Viet Duc - Nhan Hoa Viet Counseling and Psychological Therapy Center - many people think that not arguing is a happy marriage. But in reality, what is scary is not the arguments, but when two people no longer want to talk to each other.
Experts believe that silence needs to be viewed from behind. If it is a moment of silence to calm down, two people can still connect. Conversely, silence due to disappointment, avoidance or no longer having expectations is a worrying sign.
Silence is only good when it is peace, when both of you still feel comfortable and then still want to talk back. But if you are silent because of avoidance, because of disappointment or because you no longer want to share, then that is a very worrying sign," expert Mai Viet Duc said.
