My boyfriend and I have been in love for more than 3 years, both families know about it and have decided to get married this year. Therefore, when he said he wanted to buy an apartment to prepare for later life, I was very happy and thought it was a sign that he was serious about the future of the two of us.
But I didn't expect him to decide everything himself. He found a house, chose an apartment, applied for a bank loan and signed a contract without discussing it with me. When all procedures were almost completed, he announced that he had bought a fairly beautiful apartment, paid in installments for many years. The house and loan were both in his name.
I asked why he didn't tell me first, he explained that this is a good opportunity, if I don't buy early, the house price may increase, moreover, he already has a savings, so he wants to actively buy first. He said that later we will also live there, so I don't need to worry too much.
Thinking that after all, we were about to get married, I didn't want to argue about this. I also saw the furniture with him, discussed repairing the apartment and imagined life after marriage. I thought he bought the house first simply because he wanted to prepare a warm home for us.
Until one day, when discussing post-wedding expenses, he mentioned the monthly bank payment. I asked him how he planned to handle the loan to buy a house, and he replied very naturally: "You and I will pay later. We are husband and wife, the house is also our house.
I was stunned and asked back: "But I bought this house myself, decided it myself, registered it in my name, and the loan was also registered in my name before we got married. Why do I have to pay together?
He seemed confused. He said that we had decided to get married, the house was bought for the two of us to live in, so later paying off debts together is normal. He also said that if you have decided to be his wife, you should not calculate whether that debt belongs to him or me.
I do not object to the fact that husband and wife should shoulder financial burdens together. If after getting married, we both discuss buying a house, calculate the ability to repay debts and agree on a loan plan, I am willing to try with him for many years. But this time, he decided on a large loan himself, chose the house himself, registered it himself and then told me that when I became his wife, I had to repay that debt together.
What makes me wonder is if I pay debts together for many years, where will my rights be? The house is still in his name. If something happens later, will the money I spent be taken into account? I don't want to enter marriage with the feeling that I am carrying a debt that I have never participated in deciding on.
I told a close friend. She just asked: "If he really considers this a house for both husband and wife, why didn't he discuss it with you before buying it?
I don't know how to answer. Perhaps what makes me sad is not the amount of money to pay each month, but the way he makes a big decision alone but implicitly considers financial responsibility afterwards as a matter for both of us.
The wedding is still being prepared. I still love him and have not thought about breaking up, but for the first time I feel the need to seriously look back at money before marriage. I can pay off debts and build a home with my loved one, but I want it to be a decision of the two of us, not a debt decided by one person and then asking the other person to bear it together.
