Being separate to keep privacy
After more than 2 years of marriage, Ms. Pham Lan Anh (27 years old, Ninh Kieu ward, Can Tho city) decided to rent a private house with her husband instead of continuing to live with her parents-in-law.
According to her, separating does not stem from conflicts but from the desire to have space for the couple to build their own lives.
Living with parents is very convenient, especially economically. However, my husband and I also want to have our own space to decide how to live, spend and take care of our children," Ms. Lan Anh shared.
For her, differences in daily life, if prolonged, can become a cause that makes family members easily feel uncomfortable. From eating and resting to taking care of children, each generation may have different views.
Similarly, Mr. Phan Tuan Kiet (31 years old, Cai Rang ward, Can Tho city) said that he and his wife used to live with their parents in the early days after getting married. Despite receiving a lot of family support, the couple still decided to move out when their jobs became more stable.
Parents both love their children and want to help, but when husband and wife have private space, it is easier to agree on everything. We still regularly visit and ask parents for support when needed," Mr. Kiet said.
According to Mr. Kiet, living separately does not mean that children are separated from their parents. On the contrary, when each family has its own space and way of operating, meetings between members become more comfortable.
Clear boundaries between generations are needed
Talking to Lao Dong Newspaper, expert Mai Ngoc Quyen - NHC Vietnam Center for Human Development and Psychology - said that the need for private space after marriage is an increasingly popular choice among young people.
Two people who originally came from two different families, when living together, needed time to adapt to each other's habits, personalities and lifestyles. If they continue to live with a large family, they also have to adapt to the lifestyle of parents and siblings on both sides, so sometimes they can easily fall into a state of overload.
According to experts, conflicts when living together often do not start from too big problems but accumulate from very small things in daily life such as eating, resting, walking, communicating, even how to smile or how to take care of children.
Especially, when having children, differences in views and ways of raising children between generations are easier to reveal. Each person has different habits, views and behaviors. If these differences are constantly repeated without being shared or adjusted, they can gradually accumulate into conflicts," the expert analyzed.
Expert Mai Ngoc Quyen recommends that before deciding to live with both families, couples need to agree on financial boundaries, living hours, private space, parenting methods and behavior between husband and wife.
“Before setting external boundaries, each person needs to establish internal boundaries. When understanding what they need and what is their limit, talking to both families will be clearer and reduce conflict,” the expert emphasized.
