Insomnia, loss of faith because of spouse infidelity
Adultery not only puts the marriage at risk of breaking down but also leaves prolonged psychological trauma for those involved. Many people say they have fallen into a state of insomnia, self-doubt and torn between forgiving or ending the marriage.
Husband cheating is a shock that Ms. Nguyen Le Thu Ha (34 years old, Hanoi) never thought would happen to her family after nearly 8 years of marriage.
I lost sleep for many months. The thing that hurts me the most is not only my husband's betrayal but also the feeling that I am no longer good enough in the eyes of my partner. Sometimes I just want to divorce immediately, but looking at my young child, I hesitate," Ms. Thu Ha shared.
According to Ms. Thu Ha, the days after discovering the incident were an extremely difficult time. The couple constantly argued, the family atmosphere was tense, and she herself gradually lost faith in the marriage.
I used to think that just forgiving would make everything okay. But then I realized that if we didn't both look back at the problem, those injuries would still be there," Ms. Thu Ha said.
Meanwhile, Mr. Tran Minh Duc (38 years old, Ho Chi Minh City) said that he had experienced feelings of both anger and helplessness when he knew his wife had an affair.
At that time, I just wanted to ask for clarification, the more we talked, the more we argued. There were days when I couldn't concentrate on work because my mind was always thinking about family matters. I once felt like I didn't know whether to continue or give up," Mr. Duc shared.
After many months, instead of making a decision in anger, he and his wife chose to see a psychologist to look back at the existing problems in marriage.
Causes of adultery and ways to mend marriage
According to MSc Le Phuong - Director of the Center for Psychology and Human Development of NHC Vietnam, Quan Hoa Branch - adultery is one of the reasons why many marriages break down, but not all cases originate from the same reason.
There are people who are influenced by external conditions. They fall into favorable circumstances for the emergence of extramarital feelings or do not establish appropriate boundaries with heterosexual relationships, leading to adultery," MSc Le Phuong analyzed.
According to psychologists, the cause may also stem from existing problems in the marital relationship itself.
There are couples who have difficulty communicating, unable to share with each other, causing conflicts and crises not to be resolved in time. Besides, there are also factors belonging to internal psychology, such as a person with too high a need to be recognized, wanting someone else to listen to, share, or using extramarital relationships as a way to avoid self-harm," Ms. Le Phuong said.
Before the question of whether to forgive when your partner is cheating, M.A. Le Phuong said that this is only really meaningful when both look back at themselves.
Forgiveness can help your partner change, but it must come with certain conditions. An adulterous person needs to realize that their behavior is wrong and understand the deep reason why they did it. The other person also needs to recognize what they have done well in this relationship, what they have not done well, and how they both need to change," expert Le Phuong said.
