One morning, Ms. Hanh, 61 years old, in Hanoi, saw her husband changing his shirt and then taking it off again.
Mr. Minh, 64 years old, had a wedding for the child of an old friend but finally did not go. When she asked why, he replied: "Going, you have to take my money to give to people. Stay home".
The sentence made Mrs. Hanh uncomfortable. Not because she regretted a few hundred thousand VND, but because after 38 years of being husband and wife, for the first time she heard her husband call the money in the house "her money".
Ms. Hanh used to work in an administrative unit, now has a pension of more than 7 million VND per month. Mr. Minh used to work as a freelance builder, with income sometimes low and sometimes low, without a pension.
When they were healthy, the two almost did not clearly calculate who would earn more. He had money to take care of the market, repair the house, and contribute to family matters. She spent most of her salary on her two children's education and fixed living expenses. When she needed to spend a large amount, the couple took money from their own savings.
Everything changed when Mr. Minh retired completely due to old age.
From still having a few million VND per month, he no longer has any income. Electricity, food, medicine and living expenses mainly depend on his wife's pension and the remaining savings.
Ms. Hanh never thought she was "raising her husband".
“In the past, he also took care of the whole family. Now that I have a salary, my husband and I spend it together, what's the point of distinguishing,” she said.
But Mr. Minh is becoming more and more frugal.
He quit the habit of drinking morning coffee with some friends nearby. The sandal broke its straps, he closed it himself instead of buying a new pair. Once Mrs. Hanh gave her husband 500,000 VND to pawn for pocket money, a few weeks later the money was almost intact.
Initially, she thought her husband was thrifty.
It was not until she discovered that he had repeatedly refused to meet friends just because he was afraid to ask for money that she understood that the matter was not about a few tens or hundreds of thousands of dong.
The clearest conflict occurred when Mr. Minh wanted to send one million VND back to his hometown to contribute to repairing the family temple.
He said to his wife and added: "If you find it inconvenient, then that's it, it's your money.
Ms. Hanh got angry.
She recalled the years when her husband was still healthy, earning as much as he could bring back to take care of the family. Now that she has a pension, that amount of money is also for the two of them to live together.
You keep saying it's my money, my money, it sounds like husband and wife are living separately," she scolded.
Mr. Minh remained silent for a moment and then said: "In the past, if I wanted to give someone a little money, I would take the money I made myself. Now if I want to spend anything, I have to tell her. She doesn't regret it, but I'm still hesitant.
That sentence made Mrs. Hanh less angry.
She realized that what made her husband uncomfortable was not because she kept the money, but because he was used to earning and deciding on small amounts of his own for decades. When there was no income left, even going for coffee or buying a pair of sandals made him hesitant.
After that, Ms. Hanh placed an envelope in the drawer of the cabinet, putting two million VND into it each month.
She told her husband: "This is the living expenses of the two of us. Use whatever you need, don't ask me about every item.
Mr. Minh was still hesitant to take it at first. Later, he started using the money in the envelope to drink coffee, buy medicine or go to weddings. For larger expenses, the two still sat down to discuss with each other as before.
Ms. Hanh recounted that since changing the way she keeps money, her husband has mentioned the phrase "her money" less.
Mr. Minh also returns to his familiar coffee shop a few times a week. Some days when he comes home, he also buys his wife a bag of fruit or her favorite dish.
The money still mainly goes into Ms. Hanh's account every beginning of the month. But the two no longer consider it as money belonging to one person.
After nearly 40 years of working together, raising children and nurturing the family, in old age they realize something that seems very small: when a person can no longer earn money, what they need sometimes is not only money to spend, but also the feeling that they still have a part in the family's decisions.
