The book clearly analyzes the causes, manifestations and typical examples of toxic shame. The author outlines a process to recover and transform toxic shame into healthy ones to achieve balance in the spirit. God. From there, people can live with a true and peaceful self, reaching a meaningful and contributing life.
The role of healthy shame
First, the author gives a definition of shame, pointing out that it is an emotion inherent in every human being, necessary for the formation and development of humanity. From there, he offers a way to distinguish between healthy shame and toxic shame: “Shame is the emotion that allows us to be human. Shame shows us our own limits, keeps us within our human boundaries, lets us know we can and will make mistakes, and understands that we need help.”
To help readers understand the role of shame in the inner self and personality, author Bradshaw takes us through each person's life to observe the development stages of healthy shame. Going through different ages, from 6 months old, childhood, puberty, youth, adulthood and old age, the author points out that shame always goes hand in hand with the development of the mind and psychology. people, contributing to helping them have appropriate behaviors for that stage of development.
Shame helps control the process by which children explore the world, express emotions, and form a conscience. Shame is the source of creativity and learning. Shame helps people live in community, be conscious of their sexuality, know how to love and connect with others.
The effects of toxic shame
Understanding the effects of healthy shame, Bradshaw proceeds to fully define toxic shame.
He also goes into each stage of human development to analyze how toxic shame threatens our lives. The author describes in great detail the negative faces of shame. It reduces children's courage and enthusiasm as they learn about the world, crushes their autonomy, forces them to try to be better than or worse than others, and makes them always feel inadequate.
And when shame becomes identity (internalized), people will form a false ego, alienated from themselves, overly dependent on others, immersed in all kinds of addictions, and addicted to others. Personality disorder, spiritual bankruptcy.
Causes and manifestations of toxic shame
The author traces the origins of toxic shame in systems: Family, school, religion, culture. In particular, the family has a key influence on the formation and development of shame in each individual, because: "Toxic shame is mainly nurtured from important relationships."
Because family is the first place we learn about ourselves, children will look to their parents as role models, so parents who carry this shame will pass it on to their children.
Marriages and caregivers filled with toxic shame and unhealed deprivation will be unable to adequately care for their children's needs, and the children will grow up in a soil of greater shame. is a loving embrace.
After analyzing the source, the author looks for the hiding place of toxic shame: its manifestations. According to him, when carrying this shame, people will build up layers of defense, deny the hurt, depend on virtual bonds, and become numb. They fall into a state of dissociation and personality dissolution.
How to recover and escape toxic shame
After thoroughly analyzing the origins, manifestations, and harmful effects of toxic shame, Bradshaw leads readers on a journey of recovery and enlightenment.
Because toxic shame drives people into a state of extreme loneliness, to be healed, we must break free from isolation.
Because toxic shame comes from personal relationships, healing requires personal relationships as well. Loving and being loved is a basic human need, only when this basic need is fulfilled can we be a complete human being. We must abandon the false self and find the true self hidden in inner darkness.
At the same time, Bradshaw also introduces a 12-step program to transform toxic shame into healthy shame. This is a method that helps you little by little heal your relationship with your life force, with yourself, with others, and then continue to maintain it in the future.
This book helps readers fully understand every aspect of toxic shame, showing you a path to overcome and fully heal. Closely analyzing the source and giving specific instructions on how to deal with it, this is an understanding companion for those on the journey of healing.
John Bradshaw (1933 - 2016) is the author of many bestselling titles: Bradshaw: About Family, Coming Home, Reviving and Supporting the Inner Child, Creating Love, Family Secrets and five series PBS television nominated for an Emmy.
Known as the “father of the
self-help movement,” he was a frequent guest on Oprah, CNN, MSNBC and numerous news networks throughout his career.
