I have been married for 8 years, currently have two young children. Both husband and wife are working but the income is not abundant, while tuition fees, milk money and living expenses for both children are increasing.
My parents-in-law live with the family. They are both retired and have stable pensions. Compared to my husband and I, their financial conditions are better because they do not have to worry about tuition fees, taking care of young children or incurred expenses like us.
I used to think that when living together, each person would share household expenses. My husband and I took care of the children's part, and my grandparents added extra money for food or common living expenses, but the reality was different.
Since living together, the food money for the whole family is almost taken care of by me. Each month, my mother-in-law gives a figure of about 15 million VND and says it is the money for the market and food for the whole family. I have to balance this amount myself while the income of both husband and wife is quite tight.
What makes me even sadder is that the amounts grandparents buy for the grandchildren are also recorded for me to pay. Once, my mother-in-law bought a box of milk for the grandchildren at a nearby store, a few days later she said: "Mom bought this much milk, I'll send it back to mom".
I understand that if my parents-in-law have money, it is also their money. I never thought my parents-in-law would have the responsibility to raise their children or provide for their family. But what makes me feel sad is that my parents-in-law have quite high pensions, while my husband and I are struggling with every amount to raise our two young children.
There are months when tuition, milk and living expenses of the children increase, I have to cut my own spending. Some days when going to the market, I stand for a long time in front of the food counter to calculate what to buy just enough for the whole family without exceeding the budget.
The most awkward thing is that I don't dare to complain in front of my children.
I am afraid that my children will think that my paternal grandparents do not love me. I also do not want adult money matters to become something that makes my children sad or lose affection for my grandparents.
My husband knows about it but usually only says: "How my parents plan, I try to follow that way". He also doesn't want to have arguments between his wife and parents.
I don't want to turn money matters into family conflicts. I also don't want to be understood as a daughter-in-law calculating with my parents-in-law.
But sometimes I wonder, when grandparents have stable pensions, and my husband and I are raising two young children and have to worry about many expenses, can the sharing of family expenses be more flexible?
I don't need grandparents to give money or raise the grandchildren. I just hope that family expenses are discussed clearly and suitable to each person's ability.
Perhaps the thing that hurts me the most is not the 15 million VND for food each month, but the feeling that I am trying alone while people living in the same house are fully capable of sharing a part of the burden.
I still try to keep everything normal in front of my children. But the more I silent, the more uncomfortable and tired I feel.
If you were me, in this situation, how would you talk to your parents-in-law and husband to be both clear about money and not spoil the family harmony?
