Grandma takes care of grandchildren, but you dismiss the opinion
Mr. An (36 years old) is currently the owner of a business with stable revenue, and his wife works in a state-owned unit. Due to being busy, both husband and wife decided to ask their mother to help with taking care of the children.
Previously, Ms. Binh (64 years old, Mr. An's mother) worked as a freelancer, now she has quit her job, has no pension, and lives on savings and the support of her children. Accepting to take care of her grandchild, everything initially went well, but then disagreements began to appear.
Many times Mrs. Binh took care of her grandchildren in her own way, but the children often brushed it aside, even asked her not to interfere. This happened many times, making her quite sad.
Once my child didn't study well, I reminded him and lectured him, but he was dismissed by the children, wanting to increase extra classes for him. What makes me sad is not being listened to, feeling like I'm just a helper for the children," Ms. Binh shared.
From a child's perspective, Mr. An also has his own reasons when he still respects and thanks his mother for her care for the children. However, he does not want her to make a substitute decision in raising children because she has a different point of view.
Taking my child to extra classes is because we found a good teacher, and also want to spend time for my mother to rest, not to sit and tutor her," Mr. An said.
Opinions are respected when pensions are tens of millions
Also helping his children take care of grandchildren, but Mr. Phuong (66 years old) is the opposite of Mrs. Binh. In the large family, his opinion is usually the final decision and is implemented by the children.
Because he used to be a leader of a large business, in addition to a pension of tens of millions of VND per month, Mr. Phuong also has income from some rented houses, savings interest... Financial proactiveness makes Mr. Phuong have an important voice in the family. In taking care of his grandchildren, he not only plays a supporting role, but is also considered an experienced person, orienting his children to consider implementing it.
In fact, I don't use money to force my children to listen, but often analyze aspects for them to absorb and follow. However, from a certain perspective, when you are self-reliant and not dependent, giving advice is also more proactive and comfortable," Mr. Phuong said.
Don't let the pension level determine respect
According to Mr. An, family members can discuss to agree from the beginning on the tasks under their responsibility. If disagreements arise, they should discuss the issue clearly to implement it together, avoiding accusation or imposition.
Regarding issues directly related to children, parents should decide; grandparents can give advice and support, but should not impose it. Conversely, children and grandchildren also need to listen, explain clearly the reasons, as well as have appropriate and subtle behavior, avoiding parents feeling like they are becoming a burden, and especially feeling disrespected.
And when adults feel respected, they will see that pensions or financial ability are not a measure of decision-making power. When the parties understand and agree on how to behave, differences between generations will be easily resolved.
Sharing the same opinion, Mr. Phuong also said that respect in the family needs to be built on affection, responsibility and listening, regardless of how much money a person has or how much pension they receive.
