Reader L.A (in Vinh Phuc) asked: "I married in 2010 and have two sons born in 2012 and 2015. After living together for a while, due to irreconcilable conflicts, my husband and I decided to divorce.
According to the divorce agreement, I directly raise the second child, and the eldest son lives with my father. After that, my ex-husband took the child back to his hometown to live.
In 2022, my ex-husband remarried. A year later, the couple had a child. Since then, the care of our son has gradually been neglected. Not only that, every time I visit my son, his wife shows jealousy and prevents me. She even challenges and threatens to kick him out of the house if she continues to visit.
The matter became serious when I went to see my child's homeroom teacher and discovered that my son had been absent from school for more than a week without permission. The school contacted my ex-husband many times but did not receive a response. The homeroom teacher said that he often dropped out of school and was not focused in class. Many times the teacher invited parents to discuss, but his father or stepmother never came to see him.
Feeling sorry for my child, I asked my ex-husband for permission to pick up my child to play with her for a few days. Arriving home, I was shocked to hear my child say that he was often scolded by his father's wife. She also forced my child to stay at home to look after her younger sibling and did not let him go to school on the grounds that "raising both children and younger siblings is too expensive". Even more heartbreaking, my child cried and said he wanted to stay with his mother, not wanting to stay with his father. He also said that if forced to return to live with his father, he would leave home to be a "bui".
Hearing my child say that, I felt like my heart was breaking. I feel very sorry and want to make up for my child. Right now I don't know what to do, I want to keep my child. But on paper, my husband is the one who directly raises the child, if my ex-husband demands to bring him back, I cannot keep him.
I would also like to add that so far I have not remarried anyone. I have my own house and a job with enough income to take care of and raise 2 children. I don't need my ex-husband to provide alimony to raise the children if he doesn't want to. I hope to get advice from a lawyer.
Regarding the legal issue you asked, Lawyer Duong Thu Hien - Thanh Lam Law Company Limited - advises as follows:
Point b, Clause 2, Article 84 of the Law on Marriage and Family 2014, amended and supplemented in 2025 stipulates the change of the person directly raising the child when there is one of the following grounds:
“b) The person directly raising the child is no longer qualified to directly look after, care for, nurture, and educate the child. “In Clause 3, Article 84 of the Law on Marriage and Family 2014, amended and supplemented in 2025, it is also stipulated: “The change of the person directly raising the child must consider the wishes of the child from being 7 years old or older”.
Thus, the law stipulates that the change of the person directly raising the child is considered when there is evidence that the person currently raising the child is no longer qualified to care for and educate the child. The fact that her ex-husband did not care for and raise the child, did not let the child go to school, and did not meet teachers to exchange information when requested is the basis for requesting a change of the person directly raising the child.
In addition, her child born in 2012 is already 07 years old or older, her wish to live with her, not wanting to live with her father, is also the basis for changing the person directly raising the child from her ex-husband to her.
Clause 1, Article 84 of the Law on Marriage and Family 2014, amended and supplemented in 2025 stipulates: "1. In cases where there is a request from the father, mother or individual or organization specified in Clause 5 of this Article, the Court may decide on the change of the person directly raising the child.
To be allowed to change the person directly raising the child, you need to send a request to change the person directly raising the child at the People's Court of the area where your ex-husband resides and works. When submitting the application to the Court, you need to provide evidence that your ex-husband did not care for and raise the child, did not send the child to school, did not meet and exchange information when requested by the school. If necessary, you should submit additional documents on whether you are eligible to directly raise the child such as: A copy of the land use right certificate in your name, labor contract, payroll, savings book (if any)...
Your child can also file a petition stating their wish to live with you, not wanting to live with their father, as well as presenting the reasons why they do not want to live with their father. This is the basis to prove the change of the person directly raising the child from the ex-husband to you.
The law always puts children's interests first in cases where children's rights are seriously affected. You have every chance of regaining custody of your child if you prove that the conditions are better and the current living environment of the child is no longer suitable.
The above is the advice of the lawyer. Hope you can solve your problems.
