In the evening, when the two children were sleeping, Ms. Hoang Thu Ha (36 years old, from Lao Cai, currently an administrative employee in Hanoi), sat quietly on the coffee shop. The house was still filled with children's laughter during the day, but when night fell, she felt empty.
She and her husband have been married for 11 years, have a son and a daughter. The first years of their marriage were a series of difficult days. Her husband's job is unstable, with no income at times. At that time, money was never a matter to be weighed.
Ms. Ha shared: "We worry about as much as we have money. I need you, I will make up for it and vice versa, as long as the family is stable".
But in the past two years, things have gradually changed.
When her husband's job was stable, he earned about 15-17 million VND per month. From then on, her family switched to a new principle of salary that everyone kept.
"He divided each person to take care of one child. Father cares for son, I worry for daughter. The housework, the internal and internal affairs are divided equally.
It may seem fair, but the reality is not that simple. My income is about 8 million VND per month. After taking care of her daughter's education and living expenses, with minimal personal expenses, every month she is very frugal and only spends 1-2 million VND to protect herself. Every month when I get sick or have an affair, I will be taken away from it," she said sadly.
She has commented many times. Sometimes I joked to make things easier, sometimes I chose a good family atmosphere to talk seriously. But the response is often avoidance.
"It's a fight to speak up. He said that in today's society, husband and wife are equal, who would be the culprit? I was tired from listening and didn't know what to say next," she said.
What hurts Ms. Ha is not only money, but the feeling of living in a marriage lacking in cohesion.
Living together, taking care of children, taking care of work together, but more like a partner than a husband and wife. The way of contributing rice to bloom rice together is to fulfill responsibility.
Her family is not poor, her children are full. But every time she thinks about the future, illness, incidents, or when both parents need support, she finds herself without a support.
Sometimes I wonder if one day I had a problem, would there really be someone to worry with me?, she choked up.
According to Ms. Tran Thi Huong - NHC Vietnam Center for Psychology and Human Development, communication is a key factor to resolve financial conflicts in marriage.
When feeling uncomfortable, couples need to sit together and share their true feelings, instead of arguing about right and wrong. In many cases, the problem is not much or little money, but the feeling of respect and companionship, the expert analyzed.
According to Ms. Tran Thi Huong, financial transparency is necessary, especially in the context of economic fluctuations. However, transparency does not mean cold splitting or absolute control. When this threshold is overcome, money can easily become a silent erosion of happiness.
