1. Stay calm and cool down your "hot head
When the child disobeys, our natural reaction is to get angry and scold louder to save face. However, two flames meeting each other only create a big fire.
How to handle it: When you see your child start to raise their voice or have an impolite attitude, take a deep breath. You can say to your child in a resolute but calm voice: "Parents see both sides are angry. We will talk about this when you calm down".
Your ability to control emotions is the best example for your child to learn how to adjust their behavior.
2. Change communication - Active listening
Behind each child's argument is often a need or feeling that is not understood (frustration, feeling unfair, wanting to decide for themselves). If parents constantly interrupt with sentences like "Parents only say no to arguing", children will tend to resist more strongly.
How to handle it: Give your child a chance to explain why they are acting or thinking like that. Listening does not mean compromising, but to understand their perspective.
When children feel their opinions are respected, the need to "cry out" to assert themselves will naturally decrease.
3. Establish clear boundaries between "expression of opinion" and "insensitive
Parents need to help their children clearly distinguish: Children have the full right to argue, give personal opinions, but are not allowed to use impolite attitudes, speak empty words or use words that offend the perspective of adults.
How to handle it: Unify with your child about a code of conduct in the family. Example: "Parents are always ready to listen to your explanation, but you need to use a respectful tone. If you continue to talk nonsense/smashing things, parents will stop the conversation and you will be punished (cutting TV/phone time)". Practice this boundary consistently.
4. Grant decision-making power within the permitted scope
Many arguments break out just because parents manage too tightly from the smallest things, making children feel suffocated.
How to handle it: Instead of giving direct commands, switch to optional questions so that children feel they have autonomy. For example, instead of forcing "Go to class now!", try: "It's school time, do you want to consciously do your homework now or play another 10 minutes and then go to the table?". When you have the choice, you will be more responsible for your decisions than arguing with your parents.
