Her mother almost every day came to take care of her grandchild, cook, hold the baby, and take them for a walk so that the couple could feel secure at work. But from then on, she gradually found herself more difficult to talk about in raising her child.
She wants her child to eat by the hour, her mother said that in the past raising her child did not need to be fussy. She limits phone use, her mother thinks that children watching a little is okay. Her husband gives advice, but she feels sad because she thinks her son-in-law is not grateful.
Initially, she stood in the middle coaxing both sides. Later, she realized that the conflict was not about eating, sleeping or watching the screen. The problem was that because they received too much support, the couple almost gradually lost the right to say "no" to the person who was helping them.
This is not a rare story in many families after having children. Grandparents love their grandchildren, young parents need support, everything starts with good intentions. But when the boundaries are unclear, the person who helps take care of the grandchildren can easily become the decision-maker instead of the parents.
In family relations, this matter is even more likely to become a conflict. Thanks to the paternal side, the daughter-in-law is afraid to give advice because she is afraid of being considered difficult. Thanks to the maternal side, the son-in-law may feel that he does not have enough voice. The biological son standing in the middle is both grateful to his parents and feels hurt by his partner.
Loving grandchildren does not mean that everything grandparents want is naturally right. However, keeping boundaries does not mean denying the efforts of grandparents. Cultural behavior must start from gratitude.
Young parents need to acknowledge that support with a sincere attitude, instead of considering it as a natural responsibility. When needing advice, do not say: "Parents are doing it wrong" or "The old ways are no longer appropriate". Those sayings easily push the exchange into a competition debate.
The family also needs to know what must be resolute, what can be flexible. Issues related to health, safety, medicine, violence or the habit of using electronic devices need clear principles. But there are also things that can be given to each other, such as how grandparents tell stories, play with grandchildren or occasionally treat grandchildren to a favorite dish.
Family culture does not lie in never having conflicts. Culture lies in how members resolve conflicts without hurting each other.
Set boundaries of love so that a family is not a place where everyone is always the same, but a place where everyone is listened to, respected and puts the interests of the child above their emotions.
