Late afternoon, after finishing work and returning home, Ms. Trinh Chi (Hanoi) smiled when her kindergarten son ran out to pick her up with a glass of water in his hand. "Mom, drink water!", the boy said and looked excitedly at his mother as if waiting to be praised.
Instead of waving her hand or considering it obvious, she gently replied: "Mom thanks you, Mom is very happy". Just a simple thank you, but enough for the child to smile brightly and understand that their care is recognized and appreciated.
Parents must set an example first.
Talking to Lao Dong Newspaper, Master of Psychology Chu Thi Thao (NHC Vietnam Center for Human Development and Psychology) said that many parents still think that if they want their children to be grateful, they must regularly remind or ask their children to say thank you.
However, gratitude is not formed from teachings or commands such as: "You must be grateful". Instead, this is a quality nurtured through the process of children observing, experiencing and feeling respect in their own families.
According to experts, the first thing parents need to do is to be a role model for their children. A family where the father knows how to thank the mother for the meal, the mother acknowledges the help of the child, and the members know how to apologize and respect grandparents and elderly people will help children form the habit of recognizing good things from others.
Gratitude is not taught by moral lectures. Children learn by observing adults. When parents know how to thank and cherish each other, children will accept those things as a natural part of life," Master of Psychology Chu Thi Thao shared.
Besides setting an example, parents should also create conditions for their children to participate in tasks suitable for their age such as setting up dining tables, watering plants, taking care of grandparents or helping relatives. When directly contributing to the family, children will understand the value of sharing and appreciate the efforts of others.
Experts believe that instead of forcing children to say thank you in all situations, parents should help children understand why they need to be thanked. When children feel the joy of being helped as well as the joy of their actions being recognized, the thank you will come from sincere emotions, not just politeness.
Don't miss my thank you.
According to Master Chu Thi Thao, many parents unintentionally miss the opportunity to nurture gratitude when they put aside their children's loving gestures with sentences like: "It's nothing", "You study hard, let your parents do it".
In the first few times, children will still try to show concern, but if they continuously receive such feedback, they can easily think that parents do not need it and gradually no longer want to express their feelings.
Instead of refusing, parents should receive their children's care with sincerity. When a child brings a glass of water when parents come home tired from work, a saying like: "Mom is so happy, thank you for caring for me" will help children feel that their actions are meaningful and appreciated. This recognition will encourage children to continue to care and share with those around them," said Master Chu Thi Thao.
Conversely, experts also note that feedback should not be turned into a new lesson. If immediately after the child's thank you, parents continue to teach: "Next time you must develop", children are very likely to confuse sincere emotions with the obligation to perform.
What parents aim for is not just a "thank you" said at the right time, but to help their children grow up with the ability to see behind meals, tuition fees or peaceful daily lives are so many efforts and sacrifices of loved ones.
When parents have the ability to see good things, recognize good things and give good things, children will learn that with both their mind and heart. Children do not learn gratitude from what their parents say, but from what their parents do every day," Master Chu Thi Thao emphasized.
