It has been almost three years since the divorce, but Ms. Nguyen Thi Hanh (35 years old, residing in Tuyen Quang) is still tormented every time she remembers her 9-year-old son's words: "I just want you to don't ask me who I love the most".
In the early days of divorce, she and her ex-husband agreed that each person would take care of the child on a fixed schedule with the desire to reduce the child's injury.
However, after only a few months, she realized that her son was starting to change. The boy, who was originally active, became taciturn, often sat alone and was no longer excited every weekend - the time to see his father as before.
Looking back at that time, Ms. Hanh admitted that she unintentionally pushed her child into a difficult situation.
Every time he picks up his child, his ex-husband often asks about his child's life at his mother's house. And she also wants to know many times what happened during the days his child lived with his father.
Questions that seemed harmless made the boy always consider each answer, fearing offending one of the two people.
The climax was once when the child burst into tears, asking parents not to ask questions that made the child choose. That moment made Ms. Hanh realize that what made the child tired was not that the parents no longer lived together, but the feeling of always having to stand between the two sides.
Also experiencing a broken marriage, Mr. Nguyen Hoai Nam (41 years old, residing in Thai Nguyen) always thought that just providing enough and spending time visiting, his daughter would not be too affected.
After the divorce, his daughter lived with his mother, and he regularly took his daughter home on weekends.
Everything went quite peacefully until disagreements between the two adults became more and more frequent. From schooling, money to taking care of children. The two often argued and rarely found common ground.
Instead of directly exchanging, many times the two asked their daughter to convey words. Messages, reminders or frustrations from parents all passed through the child who was just over 10 years old.
Over time, the little girl gradually became quiet, rarely shared emotions and always appeared tense whenever she knew her parents were about to meet.
Mr. Nam said that once his daughter expressed that she felt very pressured because she did not want to upset both her father and mother. That short sentence made him realize that his daughter had to bear a pressure beyond her age for a long time.
According to psychologist Mai Viet Duc - Nhan Hoa Viet Counseling and Psychological Therapy Center, what hurts children after divorce is not only the fact that parents no longer live together, but also the disturbed sense of security.
Also according to experts, what children need most after divorce is consistency in love and care. Parents must still agree with each other on how to accompany their children, respect their children's emotions and do not turn their children into informants, choosers, or outlets for frustration.
Divorce can be a necessary choice when a marriage is no longer happy. But divorce does not mean ending parental responsibility.
Many parents think arguing in front of their children is enough. But children still feel coldness, broken promises, or being dragged into adult conflicts.
When having to listen to parents talk about each other with negative attitudes, children are very likely to fall into a state of anxiety, inferiority, or withdrawal," Mr. Duc said.
