In the past, I raised three healthy children, it didn't matter. Now everything has to follow books, follow the internet.
That is a familiar saying of Ms. Nguyen Thi Hanh, 58 years old, in Hanoi, every time her daughter-in-law mentions taking care of grandchildren.
Ms. Hanh's daughter-in-law is Le Minh Anh, 21 years old, of Gen Z generation. After giving birth to her first child, Minh Anh spent a lot of time learning modern child-rearing knowledge.
She requested her mother-in-law not to arbitrarily give the baby weaning food early, not to use honey for children under one year old, and to limit letting the baby watch the phone.
Those seemingly small things often made the two mothers and daughters stressed.
One morning, Mrs. Hanh carried her 14-month-old grandson and intended to give him a little orange juice. Minh Anh quickly stopped him.
Mom, I told you the baby hasn't had orange juice yet. My digestive system is still small.
Mrs. Hanh lowered her glass, her voice softened: "Mom, it's okay to raise you children with these things. You just read online and make everything complicated.
Minh Anh remained silent. She knew her mother-in-law loved her grandchild, but also did not want the principles of childcare that she set out to be underestimated.
That evening, Minh Anh confided to her husband that she felt she had "no voice" in raising her children. Meanwhile, Mrs. Hanh told her friends that her daughter-in-law "criticizes everything", causing her to take care of her grandchildren and always be afraid of doing wrong.
Conflicts between two generations actually don't start with orange juice, a phone, or a weaning meal. It stems from two different reference systems.
Older generation mothers often believe in the experience: "Raising children will know". While Gen Z daughters-in-law tend to look for information, consult experts and want to proactively decide how to take care of their children.
After a debate, Minh Anh proactively said to her mother-in-law: "I know you love me. The things I give advice about are not because I think you are taking care of me wrongly, but because I want you and your mother to agree on how to take care of the baby.
Ms. Hanh remained silent for a moment and then replied: "Then just tell me clearly. I will try my best.
Not every family has such a gentle conversation.
But when both mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law understand that they are both coming from love for the child, differences in childcare can become something to learn together, instead of a reason for two generations to be apart.
