Children should remain closed, opposite or silent in front of adults. On the contrary, many parents feel helpless towards their children, even though they have applied all methods. The constant question is: Why is my child like that?
Maybe it is time to change the way we ask questions. Instead of What's wrong with my child?, we should now ask, What did I do to make my child do these things?
Modern family - Unforgettable gaps
In the cycle of working, expecting achievements and the dominance of technology, many parents think that investing in education and creating good conditions is enough. But forgetting the most basic need of children: to be listened to and feel worthwhile.
The disruption in connection does not come from a major incident, but is often quiet in each stage. Initially, it was silence: children rarely talked, avoided or only responded to their parents. When those gaps are not filled with proper care, children gradually accept them, no longer coming to their parents as a safe place to share. The gap increases day by day, from there, children start to have behaviors: lying, hiding,.... And if these disruptions continue, children will resist - with bad words, behaviors, or other negative choices.
On the other hand, many parents carry unhealed wounds from their childhood lack of affection, severity, or imposed expectations. When they became parents, they did not do it on purpose, but thinking that I was fine now, I should continue to teach my children like that. That impatience not only breaks up relationships with children, but also leaves a loop of damage from generation to generation.
Children are an example reflecting the parenting style
According to Master of Psychology - Psychotherapist Nguyen Thi Lanh (Minh Tri Thanh Academy): "Parents do not know that no child is miserable or miserable overnight. The root cause of children's personality formation and behavior is from negative events and situations that parents have unintentionally created for their children.
Contrary to the common belief that the problem of children needs to be "repaired", the free value giving programs of Minh Tri Thanh Academy: "Road to Children's Heart", "Wakened Parents", "Clearing the mind", ... (organized regularly twice a month, attracting an average of 7,000 to 10,000 parents) are encouraging parents to return to themselves to heal their emotions, and learn to fully present with their children.
Many people come to parenting programs to hope for more skills in raising children, but at Minh Tri Thanh Academy, the first thing they need to know is to understand themselves, to accept, and heal the parts of their inner self that have been forgotten, she said.
Like Mr. Tran Dinh Tuan (Ninh Binh), who had "crazyed" and used beatings on his 10-year-old son many times to lie. It was only when he participated in programs at Minh Tri Thanh that he dared to face his childhood growing up with a violent father for the first time.
That memory has never been cured, and akes up whenever her child is doing wrong. I realized that you were not lying to me. I was just afraid of being scolded and beaten, just like I was afraid of my father, he said.
Since realizing the root of anger, Mr. Tuan has begun to change, learning to ask "how do you feel", "What is the problem you are facing?". instead of "why are you doing that?". And then, the boy begins to dare to admit his mistakes, the relationship between father and daughter also becomes closer, no longer barriered by fear.
According to expert Nguyen Thi Lanh, when parents are alert and understand the real needs of children, there is no need to teach them much, but the safe state of parents creates an ideal environment for children to develop.
At the same time, parents are also the greatest example for their children in loving themselves properly. When parents realize their value and know how to love them, children gradually learn to appreciate themselves as a natural thing - as the inspiring presence of their parents.
The expert noted that parents should remember that fathers love their children, not let them love their parents, parents love their children so that they love themselves. That love does not lie in teaching by word of mouth. That is the way parents teach their children but do not need to teach them anything, but are trying to mature themselves and then living with that.
