Many people think love is the harmony of two souls amidst a vast sea of people. But in fact, many relationships are like a psychological contract without paperwork. He gives her care in exchange for the feeling of being loved or loyalty in exchange for peace of mind. He gives her small sacrifices in exchange for the feeling of being important.
A female colleague recounted that she once loved a very good man. He was hardworking, kind, no drinking, no boys, no girls. Everything seemed perfect. But she was still disappointed because she realized that what she needed was not perfection, but someone who knew how to listen. In her psychological contract, the most important clause was understanding. In the contract of that guy, the most important clause was stability. Both of them did their duty but violated the clause that the other person considered most important.
Psychologist Carl Jung believes that people often do not love others completely as they are, but partly love the images, expectations and unconscious parts that they project on the other person. In other words, many times we do not love a real person, but the version that our minds create.
When we first fell in love, we saw silence as calm, but a few years later, it became indifferent. At first, we saw jealousy as care, later it turned into control. People change less than we think, but the way we interpret them changes more.
Some people pessimistically say that love is just an exchange of benefits. Not exactly, a psychological contract does not make love less beautiful. It only reminds that love cannot live forever with emotions. Emotions are what bring two people together, but understanding each other's deep needs helps them stay.
A person who knows love is someone who is tỉnh táo enough to know what they need, sincere enough to say it and tolerant enough to understand that the person opposite also carries a private contract. At that time, love is no longer a tiring long guessing game but becomes a gentle "negotiation" between two souls. No need for notarization, signature, just each day both people voluntarily extend it.
