Confessions with psychologist To Nhi A, Ms. B, a seamstress in Ho Chi Minh City. Mrs. B entered into a marriage with her husband, the first child, who was completely pampered by her family. She thought that love would be a support, but no, she had to face a patriarchal, authoritarian father-in-law.
He had difficulty eating and living, and had to cook each cup of rice and soup according to his wishes. She had a broken rice tray just because the fish was almost fried. Once, she took her mother-in-law to buy fabric to seam. When her father-in-law saw it, he dragged her mother out into the middle of the house to beat her and catch her knee, cutting the fabric into pieces.
He did not let his mother dress up. Mrs. B fell into the situation of loving her mother -in -law and fear of her own place. Mother -in -law also said that since she married him, she had never returned to her hometown to celebrate Tet. She had to stay in her husband's house to take care of the glasses and treat her family with her husband. In the turn of Mrs. B, she was also suffering from her mother -in -law, not allowed to go home to celebrate her hometown.
One day, her father-in-law said he would give Mrs. B and her husband a piece of land behind the house. However, just a matter of being outspoken, his father did not allow the couple to live alone. When her husband suggested asking for permission, the father immediately got angry, screamed, scolded and beat his son, and scolded Mrs. B: "The women in this house have no right! If you are married, you must submit to your husband's family!
That was the first time Ms. B reacted, because all the houses, belongings, and expenses in the house were contributed by the couple. Instead of listening, he continued to insult, curse and insult her biological parents, causing her deep hurt.
Her father-in-law forced Mrs. B to sign a document denying family benefits because he was afraid that she would fight for property. Frustrated by more than 30 years of being together with her husband, she asked the government to intervene. Her mother-in-law stood by her. After the conflict, the father-in-law and Mrs. B did not see each other for a long time.
In the end, she was the one who took the initiative to heal, thereby making the family atmosphere more harmonious. When asked about having children, Mrs. B said she felt lucky that her first child was a grandchild - a boy, and her second granddaughter was not loved by her grandfather.
According to psychologist To Nhi A, the key point in the story is not the father-in-law but Ms. B's husband. The fact that Ms. B had to come to the program to share shows that the marriage of more than 30 years was not as warm as it appeared.
The female doctor commented: She had lived in prolonged fatigue and resentment, but no one was brave enough to speak up, no one gave clear signs of resistance. The biggest problem in this family life is the lack of initiative in decision-making from both husband and wife.
Every family is different, but if the couple knows how to accompany and act as a bridge between the two families, happiness can still be maintained. And if they cannot reconcile, the husband needs to have a role in protecting his wife from negative things from the family.
In Mrs. B's case, the father-in-law did not stop, not because he was too cruel, but because no one dared to fight, no one dared to speak up to protect themselves. It is that silence that creates the deepest hurt.
