Leaving work with a haggard face, Ms. Nguyen Thu Ha (35 years old) - an office worker in Phu Tho - did not rush home immediately but stayed in a familiar coffee shop. Holding the "Good" rating notice of her son who is in 6th grade, she sighed in frustration.
These days, surfing social networks, everywhere I see colleagues and friends showing off certificates of merit for excellent students, medals from this and that exams of my child. Looking back at my child, the final score in Math is only slightly 6.5, I don't dare to post a single status on Facebook. The feeling is both disappointed, and sad, even a little ashamed," Ms. Ha confided.
Ms. Ha's disappointment quickly turned into reproach when she stepped home.
The boy Hoang Minh - her son - who was already sad because of the unsatisfactory results, now became even more withdrawn when he continuously heard his mother repeat the familiar refrain: "Look at Ms. Hoa's Bo, at the same age but always tops the class. Eating and studying together, how can other people be so talented, while our children are so negligent?".
The case of Ms. Ha's family is not an isolated case. Every year at the end of May, the story of comparing achievements explodes in many families. Children are unintentionally put on the scale, becoming a tool for adults to compete for success in raising children.
Pressure from "other people's children" not only makes the family atmosphere suffocating but also leaves unforgettable psychological scars for children.
Tran Thanh T - a student at Bo Town Secondary School, Kim Bo commune - shared with a sad voice: "I like to draw and have a talent for social sciences, but my parents always tell me to be good at Math and Chemistry like my cousin. All my efforts in Literature or History are rejected just because those subjects are not helpful for the university entrance exam. My parents always ask why I am not like him. Sometimes, I feel like I am useless in my own home".
The denial of personal effort makes T gradually lose confidence. She is always in a state of anxiety and stress every time the exam comes.
Recently, T began to have a habit of hiding scores, locking herself in a room and often trying to avoid adults in weekend family gatherings.
According to psychologist Mai Viet Duc - Nhan Hoa Viet Psychological Counseling and Therapy Center, parents' use of the "other people's child" model often stems from the desire to create motivation and encourage children to strive.
However, this educational method mostly has the opposite effect. When compared, children do not feel encouraged but only feel hurt.
Gradually, this leads to psychological opposition, self-doubt, family rift, or more dangerously, school depression syndrome.
