Friend N.H. D (in Nghe An) asked: "My girlfriend and I have been in love for 7 years, since we were in university together. After graduating, we stayed in the city to work, and now our jobs have stabilized. We plan to hold a wedding at the end of this year.
Her hometown is in An Giang, I am in Nghe An. Before, I had never talked to my family about having a boyfriend because I was afraid that my parents would be afraid of being far away and object. Therefore, after determining the long-term relationship, last month I talked to my family to bring her home to meet.
When they heard the news that I would bring my girlfriend home, my parents and grandparents were very happy. Everyone even planned for our wedding. My parents said that after we officially meet, they will ask permission from my girlfriend's family for the two families to meet.
I thought the day of happiness was not far away, but everything collapsed on the day my family met my girlfriend. The initial conversation was joyful and warm. My parents seemed very satisfied with the future daughter-in-law. However, when my grandfather asked about her family, he was stunned. Then he stood up and said he did not agree with this wedding and asked us to break up.
Both my parents and I didn't understand why he objected. She was obedient, quite pretty, well-educated, nothing to criticize. Perhaps her hometown was a bit far away, but we both worked in the city, there was nothing to prevent it. I even raised my voice to him, saying I would definitely only marry her.
At this point, my grandfather finally revealed the reason why he hindered this marriage. It turned out that my girlfriend's mother was my grandfather's biological daughter. Nearly 50 years ago, my grandfather worked atCan Tho. At that time, he had a family and 2 children but still loved and lived with a woman there.When the two of them had a daughter, the woman discovered that my grandfather had a family. She took her daughter back to her hometown in An Giang. My grandfather searched but did not find the specific address, so he could not find her. Later, my grandfather transferred to work in his hometown and also hid from the family the story of that stepchild. Now he has become skillful in teasing, allowing him to find his lost daughter in a tricky situation. From lover to cousin, I could not accept this truth.
Honestly, I am extremely painful. Attached for 7 years, our love is extremely deep. Many times we have discussed going to register our marriage, then living in the city, not returning to our hometown anymore.
Please ask the lawyer, can my lover and I get married? If we are determined to get married, can my family and her family intervene or not? I would like to advise.
Regarding the legal issue you asked, lawyer Duong Thu Hien - Thanh Lam Law Company Limited - answers as follows:
Point d, Clause 2, Article 5 of the 2014 Law on Marriage and Family, amended and supplemented in 2025, prohibits "Marriage or cohabitation as husband and wife between people of the same bloodline; between people with surnames within three generations; between foster parents and adopted children; between people who were foster parents and adopted children, father-in-law and daughter-in-law, mother-in-law and son-in-law, stepfather and stepchild of wife, stepmother and stepchild of husband".
According to Clauses 17 and 18, Article 3 of the Law on Marriage and Family, it is stipulated: "People of the same bloodline in terms of direct relationship are people who have blood relations, in which one person gives birth to another in succession"; "People with surnames within three generations are people of the same origin, including parents who are the first generation; brothers, sisters with the same parents, same father but different mothers, same mother but different fathers are the second generation; brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts, cousins, cousins are the third generation".
According to the above legal regulations, you and your lover are related within 3 generations. You are cousins. Therefore, you are in a case of prohibition from marriage or living together as husband and wife, even if you love each other, you cannot get married.
If you and your lover intentionally register for marriage, it will be a violation of the law. This act will be administratively sanctioned according to the provisions of point a, Clause 2, Article 59 of Decree No. 82/2020/ND-CP dated July 15, 2020 of the government stipulating penalties for administrative violations in the fields of judicial support; judicial administration; marriage and family; civil judgment enforcement; business and cooperative bankruptcy (amended and supplemented by Decree No. 117/2024/ND-CP). Accordingly, the act of marriage or cohabitation as husband and wife between people of the same bloodline or between people with surnames within three generations will be fined from 10,000,000 VND to 20,000,000 VND. (From July 1, 2026 applied according to Decree No. 109/2026/ND-CP dated April 1, 2026 of the Government)
In addition, according to Clause 2, Article 10 of the Law on Marriage and Family, if you two register your marriage, your parents and your boyfriend's parents also have the right to request the Court to annul the illegal marriage between you two, because the marriage violates the prohibitions of the Law on Marriage and Family.
The above is the advice of the lawyer. Hope you will soon resolve your problems.
