Marriage does not break down due to major events, but often cracks from small pressures that have been hidden for too long. In modern life, when each person carries their own burden, sharing pressure with their partner is no longer an option, but a vital skill of marriage.
Saying it to be understood, not to express anger
Many couples are afraid to share because they are afraid of bothering the other person, or worse, just say it to get frustrated. Both ways make the opponent feel pushed away.
According to Dr. John Gottman - marriage psychologist, Director of the Gottman Institute (USA), who has more than 40 years of research on relationships, "effective sharing is not about sharing suffering, but about helping your partner understand their inner world". The important thing is to clearly state your feelings, not blame, not take photos.
Instead of I always dont care, try Im tired these days and need you to listen more. How to express the decision to react. A correct sentence can open the door to understanding, a correct sentence is enough to collapse the dialogue.
Proactive listening, the foundation of companionship
Sharing is only meaningful when accompanied by listening. But listening in marriage is not a silent thing, but a real presence. Put down your phone, look at each other's eyes, do not interrupt, do not rush to give advice.
Ms. Sue Johnson - Professor of Clinical Medicine at Ottawa University ( Canada), founder of the Emergency throtherapy (EFT) - emphasized: "The feeling of listening and understanding creates emotional safety, a core factor that helps a sustainable marriage under pressure".
When a person talks about work pressure or financial worries, what they need first is not a solution, but an acknowledgement: I/them understand why I/them are tired.
Not all pressures need to be spoken immediately, and not always the right to be spoken. Sharing when both were tense only caused conflict between husband and wife. Choose a time when both of you are calm enough, have enough space mentally.
In addition, sharing does not mean putting all the burden on your partner's shoulders. Marriage is a companion, not a "transition of stress". Maintaining healthy boundaries helps each person remain responsible for their emotions.
