Stretching together is something no family can avoid. The pressure of work, money, children... makes small conflicts easily explode into big debates. The problem is not whether there is an argument or not, but how the husband and wife talk to each other after the argument. Opening up wrong words, the crack widens; opening up right words, the marriage has a chance to heal.
Open the door of dialogue with calmness
Start with an emotional statement
Instead of right - wrong, talk about your emotions: "I'm still sad", "I feel hot". This way of speaking helps the opponent lose defense and feel respected. According to Dr. John Gottman, a marriage psychologist at Gottman Institute (USA), sustainable couples often restart their conversation with "soft opening" without blaming.
Choose the right time, not the right time
Don't open up when both of you are tired or angry. A quiet evening, when your child is asleep, is better than a hastily talking in the middle of the meal. The goal is to understand each other, not to get ahead.
Say what you need, without blaming the other person
Let's move from "You always..." to "I need you to listen more". The way you express your needs helps the conversation move towards a solution, instead of dug up old mistakes.
Admitting your mistakes first
An apology at the right time has more weight than hundreds of explanations. Even if you are not completely wrong, taking responsibility will calm the air. Sorry is not a weakness, but a safe signal to help a relationship return to a state of connection, says Dr. Sue Johnson, clinical psychologist, Director of Emotionally Focused Therapy International ( Canada).
Ending with a small commitment
After saying, let's close with the specific thing: "I will text you next time before I'm late", "I will say it directly instead of being silent". Small but clear commitments help keep the faith restored.
Marriage does not need beautiful conversations, but needs a dialogue that is sincere enough. After arguing, opening a deal is not to win, but to keep each other. When the couple is ready to talk, the family still has a chance to peace.
