Ex-husband often gets drunk and causes trouble

Reader L.T. N (in Cao Bang) asked: "I got married 5 years ago and have a 3-year-old daughter. My husband and I met through matchmaking. At that time I was 30, my husband was also 38 years old. Seeing that he was gentle, had a stable job, and had never built a family, so after half a year of dating, we decided to hold a wedding.

After getting married, I learned that my husband had many bad habits that he had previously hidden and not revealed. He often practiced drinking and getting drunk on his own. The couple just got married, but he is away from home 3-4 times a week. When I asked, he said he was busy entertaining guests. Not only that, he also often gambled, played lottery and had many other bad habits.

Since I became pregnant, my husband has become even less likely to come home to eat. After work, he goes out drinking with friends. Then he sits at the gambling table until late at night. To be honest, when we got married, we didn't have much affection. I thought about the age to need a family, children, so seeing a suitable partner, I determined for a long time. Seeing my husband reveal many bad habits, at that time I just wanted to divorce immediately.

But then thinking back and forth, not long after getting married, the child hasn't been born yet and is already separated, my parents will think a lot. Therefore, I try again to maintain the marital relationship.

On the day I went into labor and gave birth, I called my husband dozens of times without success, I had to pack my things myself, call a taxi to the hospital and then report to my mother. The birth was not favorable, I had hemorrhage but absolutely no sign of my husband appeared. Extremely disappointed, after my daughter was full month, I filed for divorce to the court. We were allowed to divorce by the Court, I had custody of my daughter, my husband was allowed to visit the child every Sunday.

Since we divorced, my daughter has been 3 years old, but my ex-husband has not contributed any money to raise the child. When she was young, my ex-husband rarely visited his daughter. But recently, every time he gets drunk, he comes to ask to see his daughter. My daughter sees her father and is scared and shrinks. Many times seeing her child like that, if I don't let her see him, he rushes into the house, smashes things, and curses loudly.

Not wanting my ex-husband to affect my daughter, I have repeatedly asked him to meet my daughter according to the agreed time and not to bother the two mothers and daughters when drunk. However, my ex-husband is still the same old self. Even his frequency of drunkenness and harassment is increasing. I am extremely upset and tired of my ex-husband's actions. What I am most worried about is that his actions will affect the development of my daughter. I want to ask, in this case, can I request to restrict his rights to his daughter? I would like to ask a lawyer for advice.

Regarding the legal issue you asked, lawyer Duong Thu Hien - Thanh Lam Law Company Limited (Hanoi Bar Association) - advises as follows:

Currently, cases where parents are restricted in their rights to minor children are specified in Clause 1, Article 85 of the Law on Marriage and Family 2014, amended and supplemented in 2025, specifically:

Article 85. Limiting the rights of parents to their minor children

1. Parents are restricted in their rights to minor children in the following cases:

a) Being convicted of one of the crimes of infringing upon the life, health, dignity, and honor of children with intentional fault or having serious violations of the obligation to look after, care for, nurture, and educate children;

b) Dismantling children's property;

c) Having a depraved lifestyle;

d) Instigating and forcing children to do things against the law and social ethics.

2. Based on each specific case, the Court may arbitrarily or at the request of individuals, agencies, and organizations specified in Article 86 of this Law, issue a decision not to allow parents to look after, care for, educate children, manage children's private property or legally represent children for a period of 01 year to 05 years. The Court may consider shortening this period.

Article 86 of the Law on Marriage and Family stipulates the person who has the right to request the Court to restrict the rights of parents to their minor children, specifically:

“1. Parents, guardians of minors, according to the provisions of the law on civil procedure, have the right to request the Court to restrict the rights of parents to minors.

2. The following individuals, agencies, and organizations, according to the provisions of the law on civil procedure, have the right to request the Court to restrict the rights of parents to their minor children:

a) Relatives;

b) State management agencies on families;

c) State management agencies on children;

d) Women's Union.

3. Individuals, agencies, and other organizations when detecting parents committing acts violating the provisions of Clause 1, Article 85 of this Law have the right to request agencies and organizations specified in Points b, c and d of Clause 2 of this Article to request the Court to restrict the rights of parents to their minor children".

According to what you mentioned, your ex-husband is often drunk, mischievous, gambling, your husband has a lifestyle that affects the care and education of children. Your child is only 3 years old, is a minor, is an underdeveloped subject in terms of physical, mental and personality, so it is very easily affected by the behavior and lifestyle of his parents.

Your husband has a dissolute, unhealthy lifestyle, is addicted to gambling, alcohol... so it may affect your daughter. Your husband's lifestyle may be imitated by your child or when your child grows up, they will feel self-conscious and ashamed of friends and people around them... Therefore, in your role as a mother and directly raising your child, you can request the Court to restrict your ex-husband's rights to your daughter.

The above is the advice of the lawyer. Wishing you a speedy resolution of your problems.