According to Dr. Mark Travers, a psychologist at Cornell University (USA), the evolution of marriage often goes through six stages, each stage is a layer of challenge of emotions, awareness and choice. And it is the awareness of these stages that helps couples save each other before its too late.
1. The period of ideal love
The first stage of every relationship is filled with positive emotions: happy, satisfied, excited. Each side tries to make the other happy. They idealize the other person, feeling that coincidence in thinking and acting is fate. Love at this time is almost unconditional - a state of "sweet belly" that everyone wants to keep forever.
However, this is not a "receive" but only the beginning of the journey of love.
2. When the honey moon ends
The difference is starting to show. Unsatisfied expectations make us feel disappointed and frustrated. Love is no longer unconditional, instead it is responsibility, effort and... comparison. Some people began to wonder, Is this really the right person?
This period forces both to escape their illusion and learn to love a real person, with both advantages and disadvantages.
3. Conflict and seizure
The emotions were suppressed and turned into anger. Arguing, criticizing, and retaliating have appeared more and more. This is the period of power struggle: who is right, who is wrong, who must change. Everyone tries to protect their me, instead of protecting us.
If you don't know how to listen and solve problems, marriage can easily slide into stress and stalemate.
4. Resist and give up
When tired of conflict, many couples choose to shift their attention: they focus on children, work, assets... instead of resolving a broken relationship. The feelings of love gradually fading away, but the bond of responsibility still kept them together.
This is the period of unhappy patience, living for marital shell rather than for real happiness. But from here, if we look back and dialogue sincerely, there are still opportunities to renew each other.
5. Find yourself
After a long time of sacrifice or waiting in an unexpected way, each person realized: they cannot expect the other person to fully meet their needs. They begin to build independence, pursue their own values, and reconnect with the outside world (in a healthy or unhealthy way).
But right now, if they overcome the feeling of loss, they can learn to respect each other's personal identity, instead of forcing each other into an ideal version.
6. Mature in love
This is the most profound and sustainable period. Both have experienced scratches and disappointments and learned a valuable lesson: marriage is not a place to demand, but a place to share and accompany.
They know that no one is perfect, and that maturity is voluntary. They gave each other their own space, but did not leave each other. They dare to take responsibility for their own joy and pain, no longer blaming themselves. And they learn to love again thucactively, simply, and tolerantly.
No one gets married and ends up apart. But to live a lifetime with one person, one cannot rely solely on initial emotions. There must be emotional intelligence, patience and personal maturity. The above six stages are not judgment but the natural development journey of every marriage.
