Loneliness, suspicion and mismatch
When a person regularly goes to work far away, husband and wife are not only geographically apart but can also gradually vary in rhythm of life, needs and emotions. Expert Mai Ngoc Quyen - NHC Vietnam Center for Psychology and Human Development - believes that there will often be three psychological layers appearing in these situations.
The first level is loneliness and lack of connection. Both can be tired of current jobs but easily have the feeling that they are the ones who are burdened more. If these difficulties are not shared and recognized, husband and wife can easily fall into a state of resentment, comparison and blame each other.
The second level is suspicion and anxiety. According to experts, distance creates information gaps. When information is lacking, people tend to self-interpret.
A slow reply message, a missed call, or a small change in communication can make the other person think that their partner is no longer interested, has someone else, or is hiding something," the expert analyzed.
However, experts note that it is necessary to clearly distinguish between emotion and truth. The feeling of doubt is real, but what a person is doubting is not necessarily the truth.
The third level is the mismatch in married life. One person lives according to the rhythm of the person who is far away, the other lives according to the rhythm of the person at home. After a period of time, both can change in thinking, habits, relationships and needs.
If this situation persists, conflict can turn into indifference, avoidance, reduced intimacy, reduced need to share and even the emergence of external relationships," the expert said.
However, expert Ngoc Quyen emphasized that adultery or breakup is not an inevitable consequence of living apart. Distance only reveals more clearly the quality of connection, communication ability and level of safety in a relationship.
Don't turn contact into attendance
To maintain connection when a person regularly goes to work far away, expert Ngoc Quyen believes that the first thing is not to turn communication into the obligation to check in. In fact, there are couples who contact very regularly, but the main content revolves around money, children, work and reproaches.
Every day, couples can spend about 15-20 minutes not talking about work, money or children but focusing on asking about each other's feelings. This is a way to shift from information exchange to emotional connection," the expert suggested.
In addition, husband and wife can build "connection rituals" suitable for their conditions such as having dinner together via video one day a week, watching a movie together, wishing each other good night, sending each other a photo of a moment of the day or agreeing on a fixed time to chat in depth.
Small actions can create the feeling that even if you don't live in the same place, each person still holds a place in the other person's life.
Another factor experts noted is that husband and wife need to clearly unify their beliefs and boundaries in the relationship, from money, heterosexual relationships, how to use social media to time for family and childcare. Because the more ambiguous, the more likely it is for husband and wife to have suspicions.
In addition, each couple should have a specific reunion appointment. If conditions permit, meeting should not only depend on when there is time to go home, but there should be specific milestones for both to aim for.
Geographical distance will be much more pleasant when two people still have a common future to look forward to together," the expert shared.
