In married life, the relationship with the paternal and maternal family always has a certain connection. However, when parents' care goes too far or husband and wife have not agreed on how to behave with both families, differences can become the cause of conflict.
Expert Bui Thi Hai Yen (Founder and operator of NHC Vietnam Human Psychology and Development System), said that this is a fairly common problem, especially in the context that each person enters marriage with a different family background and education method.
According to experts, each person is born and raised in a different family, and may even come from different regions and cultures. Differences in family routines, life views, thinking and behavior will create no small challenges when two people live together.
Besides, the psychology of wanting their family to be cared for, prioritized and cared for more is also a normal need. However, when entering marriage, differences in culture, views and lifestyles can create a "disparage" between husband and wife in how they treat their paternal and maternal families.
If there is a lack of understanding, acceptance and exchanges to find common solutions, that discrepancy will increase. To some extent, it can become contradictory," the expert analyzed.
From a psychological perspective and the process of accompanying many families, expert Hai Yen believes that some issues need to be proactively decided by husband and wife, including finance, childcare and work.
Regarding finance, especially the income generated by husband and wife, couples need to have the right to self-determination and agree on how to use it. Similarly, childcare also needs to be agreed upon by the child's parents based on suitability for the circumstances and orientation of the small family," the expert said.
According to experts, the important thing is that husband and wife need to find a harmony between differences in views, and at the same time agree on how to treat each other's families.
The boundary between care and intervention also needs to be clearly defined. Parents can love and support their children and grandchildren, but they need to respect the way family is built, the principles of conduct, and the parenting methods that husband and wife choose.
In particular, for grandparents, expert Hai Yen suggested that the principle of "everyone's child is their child" should be respected, giving the right to decide on child custody to the child's parents and limiting excessive interference.
Accordingly, grandparents can accompany and support when necessary but should not do it for or deny the principles that parents have agreed with their children.
When generations respect each other's boundaries, care will become a support instead of a cause of conflict. Conversely, if parents, children and young couples constantly interfere with each other's roles, small differences can accumulate into prolonged conflicts," the expert emphasized.
Therefore, to maintain a harmonious relationship between both families and small families, what is necessary is not to create distance, but to establish appropriate boundaries, on the basis of respect, understanding and unity.
