Marriage does not break down overnight. Most couples slide into fatigue and separation before thinking about divorce. According to Dr. Luo Mingjin, a psychologist working at Zhejiang University Hospital, China, many couples living together no longer have connections due to prolonged "differences" that they do not recognize.
From the experience of advising thousands of marriage cases, Dr. Luo believes that there are four common forms of mismatch, silently eroding relationships if not adjusted in time.
When each person understands their role differently
One of the most common causes is disagreement about family responsibility. When one person thinks that making money is enough, while the other person wants sharing from housework to taking care of children, conflicts will arise.
According to Dr. Luo Mingjin, the problem is not right-wrong, but that the two sides have not sat down to agree. “Many couples default that the other side must understand them, but marriage cannot operate by speculation,” he said.
Saying a lot but still not understanding each other
Many couples chat every day but still feel lonely. The reason lies in the way they communicate. A complaint can be understood as criticism, while silence is considered indifferent.
Experts say that effective communication is not about saying a lot, but about speaking with emotions and listening to understand. Using words that express personal feelings, instead of blaming, helps reduce conflict and keep the conversation from falling into a deadlock.
When the big family interferes with the small family
Another form of mismatch comes from the blurred boundaries between husband and wife and the two families. Parents' deep interference in private life, while their partners do not protect common ground, easily makes the relationship tense.
According to Dr. Luo, husband and wife need to clearly define their priorities. “When you are married, you two must become a team. Otherwise, isolation and hurt will gradually form,” he said.
When you two go in two different directions
Marriage also easily cracks when the development rhythm of husband and wife no longer goes hand in hand. One person continuously learns, expands their worldview, while the other is satisfied with the present, making the gap increasingly large.
Psychologists recommend that couples should actively create new common ground, learn together, and experience together to maintain connection.
According to Dr. Luo Mingjin, the most important thing is to identify the problem early and seek support when needed. “Relying on experts is not a sign of failure, but an effort to save a valuable relationship,” he emphasized.
