Many couples believe that all conflicts need to be resolved immediately.
However, when both are angry, the conversation can easily shift from finding common ground to distinguishing who is right and who is wrong.
Uncontrolled words when emotions are out of control not only escalate conflict but also silently create cracks in marriage.
Having been married for more than 6 years, Ms. Nguyen Thi Lien (34 years old, Tuyen Quang) still remembers vividly the arguments that lasted until after midnight.
Just from a small matter like who picks up the child, family expenses or housework that has not been shared, both husband and wife want to tell the truth right away.
Everyone carries annoyance after a stressful working day. Instead of listening, both constantly interrupt each other, recalling old stories to prove their righteousness.
The initial argument revolved around a specific issue, but the longer it lasted, the more it turned into reproaches about the other person's personality, behavior and responsibility.
After each time like that, both husband and wife are tired and have not talked to each other for many days," Ms. Lien confided.
What Ms. Lien regretted was that most of those conflicts later, looking back, were not too serious, but the words in anger became unforgettable memories.
Similarly, the family of Mr. Ho Huu Hanh (37 years old, from Thai Nguyen) also fell into such a vicious circle.
He and his wife agreed that any problems must be resolved on the same day to avoid offending.
However, that made both of them stay up many times until 1-2 am just to continue an unfinished debate.
When emotions surge, both no longer focus on the initial issue but try to find more reasons to defend their views.
Attacking words appeared more often, the family atmosphere became heavy, and the young children witnessed their parents raising their voices to each other many times.
It took a while for the couple to change their behavior. Every time they noticed that the conversation started to become tense, they actively stopped, took time to calm down and then continued to exchange.
According to psychological consultant Hoang Anh - Voice of Therapist Office, many couples believe that conflicts need to be resolved immediately. However, if both are angry or lose emotional control, continuing to argue often only escalates conflict.
When emotions are too high, it is very difficult for people to think rationally. At this time, the goal of the dialogue is no longer to solve the problem but easily turns into gaining or losing, causing both to say words that hurt each other," Ms. Hoang Anh shared.
Experts believe that temporarily stopping a conversation when emotions are not stable does not mean avoiding or ignoring conflicts.
This is a time for each person to adjust their emotions, re-examine the problem before continuing to discuss. When both are calm, the ability to listen and understand is also higher, so finding solutions will be more effective.
