Don't rush to distinguish right from wrong after an argument
After arguing with her husband about taking care of the child, Ms. Nguyen Thuy Anh (26 years old, Hanoi) said that in the past, the couple often tried to argue and discuss to the end even when they were still angry.
The more you try to explain, the bigger the argument becomes. Sometimes it's just a small matter, but because everyone wants to defend their point of view, they end up saying words that hurt the other person," Ms. Thuy Anh shared.
According to her, it was not until the two agreed to temporarily stop the argument, spend time calming down and then continue talking that the conflict was gradually resolved.
When I am calmer, I also easily listen and understand my husband more, instead of just focusing on refuting," Ms. Thuy Anh said.
Similarly, Mr. and Mrs. Tuan Huy (35 years old, Hanoi) used to have a habit of "cold war" after each disagreement.
Previously, every time they argued, the two were silent for a few days. Later, the couple agreed that if it was too hot, they would pause for about 30 minutes before continuing to talk. This method helps both avoid uttering harsh words," Mr. Tuan Huy shared.
Perhaps the short silence after the argument does not make the issue overlooked, but helps each person see things more objectively and easily find common ground when returning to dialogue.
Cooling down is a way to protect relationships
According to psychological consultant Hoang Anh - Voice of Therapist Office, many couples believe that conflicts need to be resolved immediately. However, if both are angry or lose emotional control, continuing to argue often only escalates conflict.
When emotions are too high, it is very difficult for people to think rationally. At this time, the goal of the dialogue is no longer to solve the problem but easily turns into gaining or losing, causing both to say words that hurt each other," Ms. Hoang Anh shared.
According to research by psychologist John Gottman, when the heart rate increases and the body enters a state of stress, the brain region responsible for logical thinking and emotional control works less effectively.
Therefore, cooling down is not avoiding or ignoring the issue, but a strategy to regulate emotions so that the conversation afterwards is more effective," said Ms. Hoang Anh.
When conflicts occur, husband and wife should agree to temporarily stop the argument for about 20-30 minutes or longer if necessary so that each person can regain their composure before returning to discuss.
This time is not to avoid or remain silent to punish the other person. Each person can take a walk, take a deep breath or do something to help stabilize emotions, instead of continuing to speculate or prepare reasoning to refute," Ms. Hoang Anh shared.
Reconciliation is only really effective when both are ready to talk openly, instead of trying to prove who is right and who is wrong.
The right time to make up is not when one person wins and the other loses, but when both are ready to listen, understand and find ways to solve the problem together. That is when the conversation is truly meaningful," psychological consultant Hoang Anh emphasized.
