When children start to have feelings and enter their first relationships, many parents cannot help but worry. From appointments, text messages to the person their children choose, everything can become the cause of conflicts between parents and children.
Ms. Nguyen Thi Huong (from Thai Nguyen) once thought that as long as her daughter listened to her mother, the troubles in love affairs would be avoided.
Therefore, when her 17-year-old daughter started having a boyfriend, she immediately set out a series of rules: she was not allowed to go out alone, she had to let her mother know who her boyfriend was, where he went, what he did, and how early he would return.
Initially, her daughter still tried to explain. But later on, the conversations between the two mothers and daughters became more tense. Ms. Huong repeatedly checked her daughter's phone, asked questions about the messages and clearly expressed dissatisfaction with her daughter's boyfriend.
There was a time when mother and daughter argued almost every day. I thought I did this to protect my child, but my child thought that mother did not respect me," Ms. Huong recounted.
The peak was when my daughter no longer actively told stories like before. The dates were kept secret, the phone was always password-sealed, and whenever my mother asked about her love life, she tried to avoid it.
A similar story also happened in the family of Mr. Tran Van Nam (Tuyen Quang). However, his family's behavior has changed after initial conflicts.
When his 18-year-old son had a girlfriend, Mr. Nam and his wife could not avoid worrying. He was afraid that his son would neglect his studies because of love, while his wife was worried that his son was too young and easily hurt in love.
In the early days, the couple often asked their son about his girlfriend, even wanting to know the schedule every time he went out. Once, his son angrily said that his parents were treating him like a child.
After a debate, Mr. Nam realized that the more he controlled, the less he shared. He and his wife agreed to change their approach, not asking too deeply about private matters if the child did not want to tell, but maintaining open conversations about love, personal limits and responsibilities in a relationship.
“We no longer require children to tell every detail. The important thing is for children to know that when something happens, parents are still the people they can turn to,” Mr. Nam said.
According to Psychologist Do Thi Hong Minh - NHC Vietnam Center for Human Development and Psychology, when children enter the age of love, what parents need to do is not to try to control their children's choices, but more importantly, to build a relationship that is trustworthy enough for children to be willing to share about the love of young people.
Also according to experts, a direct and imposing approach sometimes creates the opposite effect.
When a young person is having emotional connections with their lover, parents directly attacking the other person can make the child feel that parents are denying their choice. From there, a countermeasures mechanism appears.
Instead of trying to know every message or control every appointment of your child, what parents need to care about is the quality of the relationship they are in.
