Housework becomes a burden of marriage
In many young families, housework is still divided according to traditional habits, when women take on most of the housework and childcare, while men focus more on outside work.
When both go to work together, this division easily creates a feeling of imbalance, especially with unnamed and difficult-to-quantify jobs.
Ms. Nguyen Cam Nhung (28 years old, Ninh Kieu ward, Can Tho city) said that after work, she often takes on cooking, cleaning, washing clothes, taking care of and remembering her children's daily schedules.
Her husband is in charge of picking up and dropping off children to school and washing dishes after meals. However, when having to work overtime or bring work home, she is easily overloaded.
Most of the housework I do. My husband shares, but mostly when I ask. During overtime or when both families have parties, the time fund is reduced, but housework is still the same. Sometimes I feel pressure and husband and wife also have conflicts because of overload," Ms. Nhung shared.
In the opposite direction, Mr. Tran Hoai Nam (30 years old, Cai Rang ward, Can Tho city) admitted that he once thought that his wife was in charge of the main housework, and he only needed support because he had taken on the job of making money.
Almost all housework my wife has to do. After many arguments, my husband and I talked frankly and decided to share housework to build a family together. Thanks to that, we both understand each other better and life is gradually improving," Mr. Nam said.
Share housework, preserve marriage
According to Ms. Nguyen Hoang Anh - Psychological Consultant (Voice of Therapist Office) - conflicts about housework and childcare often stem not only from who does more, but also from differences in expectations, standards and how each person perceives family responsibilities.
When two people feel that their contributions are not recognized or responsibilities are not allocated fairly, conflicts easily increase. Especially, if expectations such as who cooks, who takes care of children, who manages finances or who takes on household chores are not unified, small differences can accumulate into dissatisfaction," the expert analyzed.
Experts believe that couples do not necessarily have to divide work in a 50/50 ratio. The important thing is to aim for fairness and suitability to the circumstances. There are stages when one person can take on more due to the nature of the work, health or changes in life. When circumstances change, the division method also needs to be adjusted.
Another issue that needs to be recognized is "invisible housework". Tasks such as remembering school schedules, children's vaccination schedules, planning spending or preparing for family activities all require memory, prediction and organization. This is a responsibility that is easily overlooked but can create great psychological pressure.
According to experts, instead of thinking that one person "helps" the other person with housework, couples should see this as a common responsibility. The two people need to discuss from the beginning about housework, childcare, finances and personal time; and proactively adjust when one person falls into a state of overload.
Couples should agree and can discuss housework, childcare, finances, personal time and how to share when one person is overwhelmed. Most importantly, don't wait until one person is exhausted to talk about housework; the ultimate goal is for both of you to feel like you are sharing and shouldering family life," the expert emphasized.
