Quitting work to stay home to take care of mother, being financially controlled by husband

Reader L.T. H (in Thai Nguyen) asked: My husband and I have been married for 5 years now. I work as a garment worker, and my husband works at a factory in an industrial park. My husband is from another province, and my family only has two children, so after getting married, we moved in with my mother.

More than 1 year ago, my mother had a stroke and was bedridden. I work as a worker and often have to work overtime, my child is young, and my mother is bedridden, so the housework is messy. I discussed with my husband for me to quit my job at home to be a housewife, take care of the children, take care of the mother, and wait until the children grow up to go back to work.

When I proposed, he also agreed. The only thing is that he asked me to clearly record each daily expense item. I think if I specifically record daily expenses, I can regulate spending, avoid falling into a situation of shortage. At the same time, I can also publicize all expenses to my husband, avoiding him thinking I'm spending lavishly.

In the first half of the year after I quit my job, my husband regularly gave money for family expenses and medicine for my mother. But recently my husband has started to change his attitude. Every time he comes home, he often finds excuses to cause trouble. Just one word I say back and he thinks I'm wrong, not giving money for a whole month, making it very difficult for me to spend money for the family, especially buying medicine for my mother.

He said that if I knew what to do, he would give me money, otherwise I would manage it myself. "Knowing what" here means that no matter what he says or does, I still have to admit my mistakes. Even if the fault is entirely with him, I still have to bow my head and apologize. Many times he raised his voice loudly, my mother heard it, she just knew to lie down and cry and blame herself for making me suffer.

I am really frustrated, many times I feel like I am being mentally tortured. But thinking about my mother, about my young child, I have to bow my head and endure. The other day, a friend working in the same old company came to my house, knowing my situation, said that my husband's behavior was domestic violence and I could ask the law to intervene. I want to ask the lawyer, is my husband's behavior domestic violence? My husband has never beaten, only acts like the ones I mentioned above. I would like to ask the lawyer for advice.

Regarding the legal issue you asked, lawyer Duong Thu Hien - Thanh Lam Law Company Limited (Hanoi Bar Association) - advises as follows:

Clause 1, Article 2 of the 2022 Law on Domestic Violence Prevention stipulates "Domestic violence is the intentional act of family members causing damage or potentially causing physical, mental, sexual, or economic damage to other family members". Thus, domestic violence acts are divided into four groups: (1) physical violence acts; (2) mental violence acts; (3) sexual violence acts; and (4) economic violence acts.

Point n, point o Clause 1 Article 3 of the Law on Domestic Violence Prevention and Control 2022 stipulates economic acts of violence including: "Appropriating, destroying the common property of the family or the private property of other family members; Forcing family members to study, work overtime, contribute financially beyond their ability; controlling the assets and income of family members in order to create material, spiritual or other dependence".

In addition, according to the provisions of Point b Clause 2 Article 59 of the Law on Marriage and Family in 2014, amended and supplemented in 2025, when determining the common property of husband and wife in case of divorce, "Labor of husband and wife in the family is considered as income-generating labor".

Based on the provisions of law, you staying at home as a housewife, taking care of the family is considered income-generating labor. Therefore, you have full rights over the common property that you and your husband create. According to Clause 1, Article 33 of the Law on Marriage and Family, the common property of husband and wife includes: property created by husband and wife, income from labor, production and business activities, profits, and income generated from private property and other legal income during the marriage period, except as stipulated in Clause 1, Article 40 of this Law; property that husband and wife are jointly inherited or jointly gifted and other property that husband and wife agree is common property; Land use rights that husband and wife have after marriage are common property of husband and wife, except in cases where husband and wife are separately inherited, separately gifted or obtained through transactions with private property".

From the above analysis, your husband knowing that you are financially dependent on him and putting pressure on you every time you have marital conflicts can be considered an act belonging to the group of economic violence acts. You can ask the law to intervene to resolve this case.

However, to prevent the couple from being tense, you and your husband should sit down and talk, analyze for your husband to understand that their actions are not right both in terms of morality and legal regulations to change their way of thinking and behaving on this issue. If your husband intentionally refuses to understand and changes his behavior to cause economic violence against you, then ask the competent authority to resolve it according to the law.

If legal intervention is required, acts of economic violence will be handled according to the provisions of Clause 1, Article 44 of Decree 282/2025/ND-CP dated October 30, 2025 of the Government, specifically a fine of between 20,000,000 VND and 30,000,000 VND.

The above is the advice of the lawyer. Wish you have a basis to solve your problems.