Many children in the primary and secondary school age groups begin to develop jealousy when they have to share their parents' love with their younger siblings. From times of being irritable and fighting, negative emotions can develop into scolding, even beating younger siblings.
Tuyet Nhi (12 years old) - a 6th grade student in Hanoi - used to be a little girl whose parents spent a lot of time taking care of her. On weekends, her father takes Nhi to the park, and her mother and she read books and play Lego.
Everything changed when 2 twin brothers were born.
Because she is still young, her mother has to spend a lot of time taking care of her. Nhi began to feel like she was forgotten. She was often irritable when her 2 younger brothers touched toys, repeatedly scolding and fighting with her.
Once, after being reminded by her mother for pushing her sister to fall, Nhi burst into tears: "Mom always defends me. I don't want to have a sibling anymore, I'm not your child, Mom and Dad.
Behind that seemingly selfish saying is the feeling of fear of losing the love of parents.
At the age of 9-13, children begin to become more aware of fairness and tend to compare themselves to others. When another family member appears, children may feel that time and parental care are being "shared".
If this emotion is not recognized, children easily switch from self-pity to jealousy, irritability, and opposition.
According to psychologists, one of the common mistakes of parents is to ask their older children to yield because "children are older brothers and sisters".
Phrases like "You are still young, you must love your sibling", "You are the only one who is also jealous" can make children feel that their feelings are denied.
Parents need to clearly distinguish between emotions and behavior. Children have the right to be angry and upset, but they are not allowed to hit or hurt their younger sibling.
Instead of scolding, parents can say: "Mom knows you are very angry because the baby took the toy, but you are not allowed to hit the baby.
In addition, parents should maintain separate time with their older children, even if only 20-30 minutes a day; limit comparing siblings; explain to children why younger siblings need more care.
Most importantly, do not turn your older child into the "second adult" in the family. Children need to be helped by their younger siblings within their ability, but should not be forced to sacrifice all their needs.
A child saying "I hate you" sometimes doesn't really hate you. What they want to say may be: "Dads and Mom, I still want to be loved and cared for as before.
When children feel that their position in the family is still guaranteed, they will no longer be "opponents" in emotional competition, but have the opportunity to become their companions in their growing years.
