In many young families today, grandparents' support in taking care of grandchildren is seen as a support for couples to feel secure in going to work.
However, when generations participate in taking care of children, differences in perceptions and living habits gradually emerge. From small stories, many families have arisen conflicts that are difficult to avoid.
Ms. Nguyen Thi Thu Ha (30 years old, living in Tuyen Quang) has a son over two years old. Since the child was young, she and her husband asked their grandmother to live with them to conveniently take care of their grandchild.
In the early days, Ms. Ha felt relieved when her child was close to her grandmother, and she had more time to balance work.
However, after a while, differences in childcare began to appear.
Ms. Ha researches many modern parenting methods, trying to train her child to have scientific eating and living habits. She trains her child to eat on their own, limits children from watching phones, and tries to maintain a stable sleep and rest time.
Meanwhile, the grandmother is used to taking care of her grandchild according to her previous experience. Every time her grandchild is anorexic, she often turns on her phone to let her grandchild watch cartoons.
Some days when the grandchild sleeps late, she takes them out to play for a while to get tired and then easily fall asleep. Even, she often sucks food to cool and feeds it to the grandchild.
Many times when I give advice, my mother says that in the past, raising children was the same, the children still grew up normally. Hearing that, I also find it difficult to say more, but in my heart I feel uncomfortable," Ms. Ha shared.
Such small stories repeated many times made the atmosphere in the house become heavy. One day Ms. Ha was annoyed when she saw her child staying up too late, the two mothers and daughters argued back and forth. After that, everyone was silent all evening, each person had their own thoughts.
In another situation, Mr. Tran Van Nam (33 years old, a worker at an industrial park in Thai Nguyen) also repeatedly fell into a difficult situation between his wife and parents.
Grandparents love their grandchildren very much and often comply with all their demands. Every time their grandchildren cry or refuse to eat, grandparents buy more candies to coax them. Afraid that their grandchildren are sleeping cold, grandparents wear a lot of clothes.
Once my wife reminded me to limit giving my child sweets, my mother said that children must be spoiled a little to be happy. The two sides talked back and forth for a while, the atmosphere in the house became tense again," Mr. Nam recounted.
Young parents are worried that their children will develop bad habits. Meanwhile, grandparents think that young people are too strict about raising children.
According to psychologist Mai Viet Duc - Nhan Hoa Viet Psychological Counseling and Therapy Center, most conflicts in childcare do not stem from malice, but from love and worries in each generation's own way.
The important thing is not to judge who is right and who is wrong, but to have a common voice in childcare.
Instead of arguing, parents should explain gently, share scientific knowledge, and acknowledge the hardship and love of grandparents.
Conversely, grandparents also need to listen and accept that the way children are raised today has changed a lot. Love, sometimes, also needs to be updated to suit the times," expert Mai Viet Duc said.
