He ordered a sugar-free Americano, opened a thick philosophy book, but his mind was not in the lines. He was listening to rustling from the table next to him and wondering if they were discussing his outward appearance? He heard the crackling of his phone camera and gently adjusted his posture, casually falling into someone's frame. In fact, no one looked at him. People were just constantly looking at their own phone screens, or looking at their own reflections on the glass door.
Meanwhile, he always lives with a constant feeling that he is being observed by the world around him. He chooses clothes not because they are comfortable, but because they "match the image". He does not say what he thinks first, but thinks about how that makes others judge him. He smiles at the right time, remains silent in the right place, reacts just enough not to be seen as bland, but also not too excessive to lose points. Psychology calls it "central illusion" when people often exaggerate the level of other people's attention to them. People think they are being seen, but in fact they are only looking at themselves for too long in an imaginary mirror.
His narcissism does not come from loving himself, but from the fear of being overlooked. He does not believe that if he lives normally, he still has value. Therefore, he chooses to become a "worth-seeing" version. Then one day, no one sees him anymore. Not because he is less attractive, but because everyone is busy looking at themselves. The modern world is a square full of mirrors, where everyone is the center of their own universe, and not many people are free to be audiences for another universe.
When he realized that, he fell into a strange void. With no longer imagining eyes behind him, he began to be confused with himself: How to dress comfortably? What to say if you don't need to impress? Is silence okay?
Actually, if there is any eye that really matters to me, then perhaps it is my own eye, when night falls, no one sees me anymore, and I have to face my true self. When I accept myself, even the dark side, sometimes it's when I stop looking behind my back, and start walking lighter forward.
