My friend said that the last time he quit his job, it felt like he was relieved of his burden. The boss is too controlling, the pressure is increasing every day, leaving is the fastest way to relieve it. He concluded: "Just change the environment, everything will be different".
I laughed, but I was not in a hurry to agree. Because that relief is just a temporary feeling. It is like when the computer is suspended, we choose to restart, re-Start the "restart" style. The machine started running, smoothly for a while, but the internal system error was still intact.
Many of us often confuse " renewal" and "healing". When we escape a suffocating job, a relationship full of conflicts, or an environment that hurts us, we easily think that we have found peace. In fact, we have only temporarily avoided situations that trigger emotions, but have not touched the root cause.
The question is not "how bad the environment is", but "why did we let ourselves get stuck in it for so long". Like my friend, the fear of losing a foothold and changing is the "fault" that needs to be overcome. Otherwise, no matter how many restarts are made, the old scenario will still return: A new boss but old behavior, a new relationship but old wounds.
Many people think that people prefer to choose restart instead of debug - fixing errors. Because debug requires stopping, observing, and distillating what is happening in the internal system: What beliefs make us easily compromised, what fears make us silent about injustice, or what vagueties make us ignore our own limits.
Adultship is not about retreating from a problem, but about being brave enough to look straight at yourself. That is the time for us to learn how to rewrite the psychological "management system": Set clear boundaries so as not to be encroached, understand self-worth so as not to be taken advantage and identify old models so as not to repeat mistakes.
The friend reflected and asked: "What if it debug for a long time and cannot be repaired? Restart is not helpful?". I replied: "Restart is not bad, but it is only meaningful when it comes with an update. Run back in a new version of yourself.
Life does not send us situations to punish, but to teach us a lesson. If he had not finished studying, that situation would return, only changing faces and places. And only when we are brave enough to resolve the error, will the loop really stop.
New work is necessary, but fixing errors is the key to opening up a more positive salary.
