As usual, out of habit, I picked up the phone and texted back: "I'm very busy at the end of the year, please take the bus home yourself." My father replied briefly: "Okay."
Indeed, the time frame my father gave was “next week” but I could not know which day it was. Uncle Ca, my father’s older brother, used to be a war correspondent for the News Agency. After the war, he died in a traffic accident when I was only 5-6 years old. I only knew his face through his memorial photo in my hometown. More than 40 years have passed, perhaps I have only returned to my hometown to celebrate Uncle Ca’s death anniversary a few times, even though my hometown is less than 20 kilometers from the center of Hanoi.
The death anniversaries in my hometown, when I was there, were usually quite bustling. Men butchered pigs, stood in the kitchen cooking, women busily washed vegetables. There were about ten tables, almost all the children and grandchildren, plus a few relatives and neighbors. Incense, laughter. It was also fun.
Then one year, my father said: "Your parents are old, it's not convenient to travel, so for the death anniversary of your grandparents, your uncle will only prepare a meal at home, and not go back to the countryside." Occasionally, when there is a death anniversary in the countryside, my parents will prepare to go back together.
The younger generation rarely meets each other. There is a cousin who only sees me once every few years, and the conversation revolves around "still at the same place", "still working at the same office". There is a grown-up nephew who is about to get married, but when I go back to my hometown, I still ask him whose family he is. When I found out that he is the grandson of the eldest cousin of my eldest uncle, I realized when I became a grandfather, and could only say "Oh really". My father said: "You cousins and I rarely see each other, and when we fight on the street, we don't recognize each other". He seemed to blame me.
Recently, while surfing TikTok, I saw a guy from the West, making the series “Death Anniversary on the Islet” a huge trend. I was shocked: It seems that the pace of city life, burying oneself in work, making money from morning to night has made the story of “going back to the hometown for death anniversary” become distant, the familiar bond between relatives gradually fades away. That guy from the West, with “death anniversary on the Islet” is like a reminder of his homeland, of his family love, of the cozy atmosphere of his relatives whenever they are together. How simple and intimate.
Then I took out my phone and texted my dad: "Next week, I'll take my grandparents back to the countryside."
