When giving birth becomes a "mission
The question "When will you have children?" from both families sometimes stems from concern, the desire to have more members, or the expectation to become grandparents. However, when this question repeats and becomes a pressure, it can create significant psychological pressure, even affecting marital relations.
Ms. Nguyen Hoang Anh - a psychological consultant (Voice of Therapist Office) - believes that pressure from both families can make childbirth - which is a private decision of both husband and wife - gradually become a "mission to be completed" before the expectations of loved ones.
At that time, husband and wife may have thoughts like "Do I have a problem?", "Why do other people already have children but not me?" or "Are parents disappointed in me?". Especially, if both families constantly ask about having children, the wife or husband may feel that they are being judged on their ability to be parents.
This pressure can also directly affect marital relations. Instead of exchanging "When do we want to have children?", two people can switch to blaming each other: who is not ready, who makes both parents sad, or who is delaying childbirth," the expert analyzed.
The issue becomes more sensitive if having children is related to reproductive health. Involuntary questions from relatives can make people with reproductive difficulties feel self-conscious, ashamed, or hurt.
Expert Hoang Anh emphasized that childbirth is not simply a family milestone but also leads to major changes in psychology, health, marital relations, finance and the responsibilities of both people.
Decisions to have children need to start from husband and wife
According to expert Hoang Anh, a healthy decision to have children needs to start from the consensus of both husband and wife, instead of starting from the question "Do both parents want us to have children yet?".
However, this is not simple but requires a deep enough conversation to see if you really want to be a parent at the present time.
Couples can ask questions together such as: If there is no pressure from family and society, do you want to have children at this time? How ready are you in terms of health, finance, work, time and support from family? After having children, how will the responsibility for taking care of children and maintaining married life be divided?
In particular, husband and wife need to distinguish between not wanting to have children and wanting to have children but being afraid. Some people really do not want to be parents. Meanwhile, some people really want to have children but are afraid of losing freedom, affecting their career, finances, health or worrying that they are not good enough to be parents. These two states need different support methods," the expert emphasized.
Experts also note that it is not necessary to wait until both are "100% ready" to give birth. In fact, very few people can feel completely certain about a major change in their lives.
More importantly, the two people reach a good enough level of readiness, understand the changes that may occur, agree on how to support each other and take joint responsibility for their decisions.
A child should be born from the desire of two people to build a family, instead of becoming a way to meet grandparents' expectations, save a marriage, or complete a certain "age milestone".
