In modern and open life, quite a few women choose not to have children. Not entirely because of economic difficulties. Not entirely because of hating young children. Nor not all want to live freely and enjoy life. Simply, there are women who have never felt that being a mother is mandatory for their lives to be fulfilled.
At the age of 43, Ms. Tran Thu Ha (HCMC) is one of them. When many friends have children in middle and high school, she still chooses to live alone, not to get married and have children.
I like children, still play with my older brother's children, normal friends. But liking children and wanting to spend most of my life raising a child are two completely different stories," Ms. Ha said.
In her 30s and 35s, she encountered many questions and urging words: "When will you have children?"; "Having children is not too old!"; "If you don't have children later in life, who will you rely on?", even many people think that it is an selfish choice.
But the more she observed life around her, the more Ms. Ha found the choice to be true to her personal views. Friends successively got married and had children. Dating appointments became increasingly difficult to arrange. Some people used to like traveling, reading books, taking care of themselves, but after having children, most of the time revolved around eating and sleeping, school, extra classes and times when children were sick.
My best friend came to my appointment with me in a disheveled state, eating and calling to urge her child to study, taking care of her younger brother. She said that since having children, she doesn't remember the last time she slept soundly, eating and drinking was always rushed to the point of stomach pain," Ms. Ha recounted.
Looking at her, I feel sorry for her but also ask myself: If I don't really want that life, why should I choose such a life? For her, a life worth living can be doing the job she loves, earning money, traveling, taking care of elderly parents, meeting friends and being able to decide her own time.
However, Ms. Ha believes that the reason for those who choose not to have children does not only lie in the two words "freedom". Some people worry about economic pressure, and some people do not believe they are capable enough to become good parents. Some people look at the pressures of life and then think that if they cannot guarantee a happy life for the child, then well... they would rather not have children.
According to Ms. Ha, the reason for giving birth to a child should not only be to maintain a marriage, fulfill family duties or have someone take care of you in old age. Deciding to be a parent means having to take responsibility for a person for many years afterwards.
However, Ms. Ha admits that choosing not to have children also has its own price. One day, when friends gather around their children and grandchildren, people living without children may experience a kind of loneliness that they cannot fully imagine in their 40s - 50s.
Ms. Ha doesn't know if she will regret it in 10-20 years? She understands that mothers will have the happiness they don't have, and she will have the freedoms they have to give up. No choice is only about gaining without losing.
But at the present time, Ms. Ha does not feel that her life without a child is meaningless. A woman can find the meaning of life in the call "Mother". Another person may never hear that call but still live independently, kindly and happily as she wishes.
I just don't want to live a life so that in the end I can say that, at least I have done the things that people think a woman should do. A complete life does not necessarily have to be like another life," Ms. Ha said.
