Husband and wife choose different ways to behave when conflicts occur
After 7 years of marriage, Ms. Nguyen Thuy Trinh (34 years old, Hanoi) realized that disputes between husband and wife often start from very small things. Sometimes it's just that her husband comes home late or doesn't share housework, but when both are angry, the story easily turns to blaming other issues.
Before, when I was angry, I often wanted to say it all. I thought if I didn't say it right away, my husband wouldn't understand why I was sad. But the more I said it when I was angry, the easier it was for the couple to hurt each other," Ms. Trinh recounted.
After many prolonged arguments, she began to change her behavior. When she realized that both were losing their composure, she often stopped the conversation and let each person have time to calm down.
Meanwhile, Mr. Tran Van Minh (39 years old, Hanoi) once had a habit of reacting as soon as he felt his wife blame him. According to him, the two people trying to prove their right makes the arguments increasingly far from the original issue.
There were times when we initially only argued because of one thing in the day, but then both of us brought up things from before. I blamed my wife for this, my wife reminded me of another. In the end, nothing was resolved," Mr. Minh said.
After that, Mr. Minh tried to change the way he exchanged with his wife by specifically saying what made him unhappy instead of commenting on his wife's personality.
Instead of saying you are always like that, I try to clarify where today makes me uncomfortable. When I don't accuse, my wife also reacts less. It's easier for you two to talk," Mr. Minh said.
Each debate should only solve one problem
According to psychologist Mai Viet Duc - Nhan Hoa Viet Psychological Counseling and Therapy Center, when conflicts occur, the way of communicating can determine whether the argument stops at a specific issue or continues to escalate.
One of the simple principles is not to attack people but to focus on the problem to be solved," expert Mai Viet Duc said.
According to experts, instead of making concluding comments about the personality of your partner, each person should specifically talk about their feelings and needs in the situation that is happening. For example, instead of saying: "You are always indifferent", you can say: "I feel sad because today I need you but you are not by my side".
Just change your way of speaking, the person opposite will be less defensive and easier to listen to," the expert analyzed.
Besides the way of expression, expert Mai Viet Duc believes that husband and wife also need to avoid bringing past conflicts into the current debate.
There are many couples who argue about today's matter but in the end mention the matter of many years ago. At that time, the goal is no longer to resolve conflicts but to "count the faults" of each other," the expert said.
According to psychologist Mai Viet Duc, when old mistakes are constantly put forward in response, the debate will become increasingly far from the original issue. Instead of finding a solution, two people are likely to fall into the vortex of proving who is right and who is wrong.
Therefore, when disagreements occur, husband and wife should focus on the issue being resolved, choose a way of expression that is not offensive and avoid turning the debate into an opportunity to recall past mistakes.
