Pressure arises from not being shared
After work, many people continue to spend most of their time on housework such as cooking, cleaning, taking care of children and arranging unnamed tasks. When this responsibility mainly falls on one person, housework easily becomes pressure instead of being the common responsibility of the family.
Ms. Pham My Hanh (28 years old, Hanoi) said that although both husband and wife go to work, most housework and childcare are still taken care of by her. From cooking, washing clothes, cleaning to preparing belongings for her children, she often has to proactively arrange.
There are days when I come home from work very tired, but I still have to worry about everything. My husband also does it, but not often, so many times I feel like everything is almost up to me. What puts the most pressure on me is the feeling that he doesn't realize how much I have to do," Ms. Hanh shared.
In the opposite direction, Mr. Nguyen The Long (37 years old, Hanoi) believes that his wife regularly arranging and dividing family work helps everything to be resolved more conveniently. He often performs the tasks assigned by his wife instead of proactively dividing from the beginning.
My wife is the one who remembers and arranges housework, so I just do whatever she assigns me. I think that helps things become clearer, but sometimes I also realize that I have not really taken the initiative to share with my wife," Mr. Long said.
How to divide housework so that both are responsible
According to psychologist Hoang Anh - Voice of Therapist Office, the division of responsibilities in the family does not necessarily have to be in a 50:50 ratio. The important thing is that each person feels that responsibility is shared fairly and appropriately according to circumstances.
At times, the wife may do more housework because the husband is under great work pressure. However, when circumstances change, the division of responsibilities also needs to be adjusted to avoid one person having to shoulder a large part of the work for a long time," the specialist said.
Fairness in married life does not mean that two people must perform exactly the same amount of work. Each family may have different ways of dividing based on time, health, work characteristics and the childcare stage.
For example, when one person has to work for many hours or has health problems, the other person can proactively take on additional housework. The important thing is that this support needs to be balanced when the conditions of the two people change," the expert shared.
Besides agreeing who is in charge of each task, couples also need to pay attention to proactiveness in housework.
According to Ms. Hoang Anh, if one person always has to remember, plan and assign tasks to the other, the burden may still be concentrated on one side even if both participate in housework.
Couples should specifically discuss the tasks to be done, agree on the responsibilities of each person and proactively adjust when circumstances change. Sharing is not only about the number of tasks each person does but also about the responsibility and proactiveness towards the common work of the family," expert Hoang Anh noted.
