On her first day back to her maternal hometown in Tuyen Quang, Minh Anh, 10 years old, stood in front of a plastic basin full of clothes, confusedly looking at her grandmother.
Grandma, how do you wash this?
In Hanoi, that is usually done by the mother. Dirty clothes are put in baskets, and the next day they are neatly folded in the cabinet. Breakfast is prepared by the mother, backpacks are checked by the mother, even the water bottle for school is also placed on the table.
Ms. Le Thuy Linh, Minh Anh's mother, admitted: "I don't intentionally spoil my child, but I'm always in a hurry every morning. Helping my child do it quickly has become a habit.
This summer vacation, because both husband and wife are busy with work, Ms. Linh sent her child back to her maternal hometown in a riverside commune in Tuyen Quang.
Initially, she only hoped that her child would have someone to look after her, avoiding being at home all day with a phone. But after a few weeks, what surprised her was not that her child watched the screen less, but that the little girl began to take care of herself.
In the countryside, Minh Anh sleeps with her grandmother. Every morning she wakes up at 5 am to go to the garden. In the early days, the little girl still lay baking until nearly 8 am. But when she saw neighbors calling her to pick chicken eggs and water vegetables, she started setting her own alarm.
“Someday she woke up before me, folded the blanket herself and went to the yard to sweep leaves,” the grandmother recounted.
Minh Anh's first self-reliance lesson started with very small things: self-washing muddy socks after afternoon running around, self-washing the bowl she ate, self-folding clothes into her backpack after drying.
Not everything goes smoothly. The first time frying eggs with her grandmother, she broke the whole egg on the kitchen floor. The first time washing rice, she poured too much water, making the rice pot mushy. But instead of being scolded, the little girl was instructed by her grandmother to redo it.
Mother is often anxious, so she often does it for me. Grandma can let me do it slowly," Ms. Linh said.
Every night, in a video call with her mother, Minh Anh no longer just asks when she can return to Hanoi. She boasts that today she has tied her hair herself, walked to her uncle's house, knows how to distinguish water spinach from ngot vegetables, knows how to feed chickens but has to stand far from the duck because "it is very fierce".
Once, Ms. Linh asked if she missed home. The little girl replied: "I miss you, Mom, but I can stay here. I do many things myself.
That answer made the mother silent for a few seconds. She realized that there are things that children cannot learn if parents always go one step ahead to do for them.
According to family psychologists, children only form self-reliance when given opportunities suitable for their age. Small things like cleaning the bed, washing dishes, and preparing personal belongings not only help children know how to take care of themselves but also create a feeling of being useful in the family.
On weekends, Ms. Linh returned to her hometown to visit her child. Just arriving at the gate, she saw Minh Anh wearing a hat, carrying a basket of vegetables from the garden into the kitchen. The little girl's skin became darker, her hair tied slightly off, her legs still dirty. But her eyes lit up, her voice full of excitement.
Mom, let me pick vegetables for you, I know how to do it.
Ms. Linh laughed. Summer in the countryside has no skills certificates, no expensive classes, and no tight schedule. But for Minh Anh, it was the first summer she realized she could do more than her parents thought.
And for mothers, the biggest lesson is to learn to step back, so that children can be clumsy, be tested against mistakes and grow up in their own way.
