One afternoon, I came home early from work and accidentally saw on Linh's desk - my 14-year-old daughter - a brand new music album, accompanied by a sparkling cheering lantern (lightstick) of a Korean band. When I saw the price tag on the invoice accidentally falling out, I stopped. That was all the money my daughter had accumulated from lucky money and pocket money over the past half year.
My first feeling was anger. I was indignant at my child's unreasonable spending and heartbroken for the money saved up for so long. I wanted to rush straight into my child's room, intending to scold him harshly: "Why throw a pile of money into these useless things? Can idols raise children to study?". But as soon as I stood in front of the room door, seeing my child's eager, carefully wiping each small photo, I chose to put myself in my child's situation, to be able to understand my child better.
Recalling the time of my child's age, I was also fascinated by cassette tapes, posters pasted all over the study corner. Now, these items for me may just be plastic pieces or worthless printed paper, but for Linh, it is joy, a whole world of teenage emotions. If I immediately forbid and deny it, my child's sharing door will shut shut, and it is very likely that from next time my child will choose to hide when spending.
That evening, I walked into Linh's room with a glass of hot milk. Instead of starting with a reproach, I pulled the chair down and gently asked: "What is special about this band that makes you like it so much?". Linh's eyes lit up. She started happily talking about her efforts, tireless practice nights and positive messages in their songs. The conversation opened more naturally than I thought. I attentively listened, acknowledged the beautiful values that the band brought to my child, and then slowly steered the conversation to the topic of finance.
I don't confiscate things or forbid my child from liking idols, but sit down with my child to make a clear spending plan. The two mothers and daughters agreed to divide my child's personal savings into different parts: one part for studying and necessary items, one part for accumulation for long-term goals, and one "budget for hobbies". I told my child that she had every right to use that hobbies to buy the things she loves, but when that month's budget runs out, she will have to patiently wait.
To help my child not get caught up in the "shopping vortex" of the fan market, I teach my child to stop for five seconds before pressing the order button to ask themselves: Do I really like this item or just because I'm afraid of missing it? If I don't buy it, will I regret it for a long time? And is it worth it for me to give up another savings goal?
Those questions helped Linh move from shopping based on impulsive emotions to thinking responsibly. She started to consider and selectively only buy truly meaningful products instead of trying to collect all versions. Besides financial management, I suggested that she turn her love for idols into motivation to strive: learn discipline and perseverance from them to apply to her own learning.
Watching my daughter carefully record every revenue and expenditure in a notebook, both enjoying her own hobbies in a civilized way, and knowing how to manage finances within the allowed limits, I feel extremely secure.
Through the above incident, I also learned a lesson for my motherhood journey: Instead of turning money into a war between parents and children, understanding and proper guidance can turn a "money-consuming" hobby into a priceless first lesson about responsibility and maturity.
