After retiring together, Ms. H. and her husband began to record spending with a small notebook. From electricity and water bills to tens of thousands of dong for the market, all expenses were recorded. Initially, Ms. H. thought this was a way for the couple to manage their old age finances. But later on, the numbers in the notebook made her feel sad at times.
Ms. H. and her husband have been married for more than 30 years, have two grown-up children and a relatively stable family life. When they were working, both had their own income. Household expenses are therefore quite comfortable, whoever is convenient pays.
Market fees, electricity and water bills, or a meal outside have never become a problem between the two.
Everything changed since both retired. Monthly income is no longer the same as before, while expenses for living, health and old age emergencies still need to be maintained. Mr. H. began to ask his wife to record spending together to know how the money is being used.
A small notebook appeared on the dining table from then on. Every day, Ms. H. went to the market to record what she had bought. A bunch of vegetables, a fish, a few eggs or a bottle of cooking oil all had a number next to them. The common expenses were combined by the couple and then divided according to the way they had agreed.
At first, Ms. H. did not pay attention. But after a while, she began to feel that everything was calculated too clearly.
Once, she bought another box of cakes for the couple to eat in the afternoon. The amount of money was not large, but when she saw it recorded in the book, she suddenly felt sad.
After more than 30 years of living together, she never thought that there would be a time when a box of cakes would become a cost to be calculated.
What made Ms. H. uncomfortable was not necessarily the matter of sharing money. She understood that when retiring, family finances need to be more tightly controlled. What made her think was the feeling that a boundary seemed to appear between husband and wife that had never existed before.
Meanwhile, Mr. H. does not think he is calculating with his wife. According to him, retirement is a period when both need to prepare more carefully for the years ahead. When young, if you are short of money, you can work extra, increase income. But when you are old, unexpected expenses such as illness, medicine or house repair can quickly reduce savings.
He wants to know how much the family is spending each month, how much is left and how much can be saved for big things. Two different ways of thinking sometimes make money matters a cause of unhappiness for husband and wife.
After a debate about market money, the couple decided to change the management method.
Instead of dividing each amount in half, they agreed to deduct a fixed amount each month into a common fund to cover family expenses. The remaining amounts, each person manages themselves and can use for personal needs without having to explain too much to the other person.
The spending book is still kept, but the way it is used also changes. It is no longer a place for husband and wife to compare who has spent how much, but becomes a tool for both to look at the overall financial situation. Necessary items are prioritized, items that can be cut are considered, and small joys in life are still kept.
Because in the end, a marriage lasting several decades cannot be measured by who pays more than one meal or who buys an extra item from the list.
Money needs to be clear to reduce worries in old age, but that clarity also needs to go hand in hand with trust and sympathy between two people.
