I never thought that after nearly 40 years of being husband and wife, money matters would appear right in old age meals. Previously, husband and wife worked together, raised children together, paid household expenses together, so no one paid attention to who earned more. But since retiring, when I received a salary three times higher than my husband's, the seemingly insignificant differences gradually became something that made both of us embarrassed.
I am 64 years old, my husband is two years older than me. The children have all grown up and have their own families. We live in the old house, life is no longer too much to worry about as before.
When I was working, my husband and I both had stable incomes. There were years when my salary was slightly higher, but the gap was insignificant, so we never considered it a problem. The money earned was all put into common living expenses. Who took the money or who paid any amount was not important.
When I retired, everything changed. My pension was almost three times higher than my husband's. Initially, I didn't think much about it. I still used my money to pay for most of the living expenses in the house, from electricity and water bills, food to small shopping expenses.
My husband still receives a monthly pension and contributes according to his ability. But later on, I began to notice the difference.
Not because I regret the money. What makes me uncomfortable is that the sense of responsibility in the family seems to be no longer perceived as before.
There are days when I come home from the market, I see that I have paid almost all of the food money in the month. Meanwhile, my husband still keeps most of his pension for personal needs.
I started paying attention to things that I had never paid attention to before. A meal, an electricity bill, money for medicine or an unexpected expense all made me wonder: why is my share increasing?
But saying it is not easy either. Because we have lived together for too long. I don't want to turn a decades of marriage into a calculation of who pays how much money.
I also understand that my husband has his own thoughts. After working his whole life, he wants to keep some money to take the initiative to spend, meet friends or buy things he likes. He doesn't want to still feel like he has to ask his wife for money at retirement age.
I think this is also the psychology of many people when entering old age. When young, husband and wife often easily accept income differences because the common goal is to raise children, buy a house, and accumulate. But when children have grown up, the common goal decreases, and each person begins to pay more attention to self-reliance.
The issue is not who has more money. The important thing is whether both of you feel respected and jointly responsible for the common life or not.
After a period of silent discomfort, I decided to talk to my husband. Not to ask him to give me all my pension, let alone to prove that I contributed more.
I just want my husband and I to agree more clearly on common expenses. Finally, we agreed that each person should keep a separate amount. Expenses such as food, electricity, water, medicine, house repair and common living expenses will be deducted from a family fund. I contribute more because my income is higher, and my husband contributes within his ability.
After everything was clarified, I felt relieved. I realized that what had made me sad all this time was not my husband's lower pension, but the feeling that the contributions of the two of us were no longer on the same scale.
At this age, perhaps husband and wife do not need to share every penny. But it is also not advisable to assume that one person has to bear most of the expenses because they have lived together for a lifetime.
Old age money needs clarity, but marriage needs sophistication. People with higher pensions can contribute more, but people with lower incomes also need to be responsible to their families according to their ability.
