After retiring, the former Ha Nam player pursued a coaching career and is currently leading the Thai Nguyen T&T Women's Football Team. Despite a "rosy" career, Van Thi Thanh's personal love life is not perfect. In 2017, she divorced her partner after 6 years of living together. Lao Dong had a conversation with coach Van Thi Thanh about the turning points in her life.
Following Ms. Van Thi Thanh for a long time, I know that she has been through a 6-year marriage. The journey is not too long but perhaps she will have many things to share?
- If I say I have lived with football in a rosy light, my love and marriage have not been like that. I once failed in marriage, it was a lesson and an experience that was not as expected. Football brought me many things such as achievements, being known by everyone, but it also affected my life. My fate came, but later it changed. At that time, my ex-husband and I worked two jobs in two places, so it was only me and my son together. If the family lived together, anger and resentment would be easier to share. But at that time, my husband and I were each in a different place, both of our jobs were very stressful. I also comforted myself, but as time passed, things got worse. We got angry and argued more.
I think part of the reason my marriage broke down was because I didn’t have time for my family. However, when I choose my passion, there must be someone who truly understands, shares, and supports me. If that person doesn’t share with me about children, sooner or later I will have to choose between family or work, which is really difficult for me.
I am also very grateful to my ex-husband for supporting me a lot during that time, but perhaps our fate has ended. My child is now in 7th grade, is affectionate and knows how to share with his mother. When it was just me and my child taking care of each other, my child encouraged me to try to get up early to go to work so that I could buy a house for the two of us to live together. Those are memories I cherish very much.
So will this failure make you lose faith in love?
- I am only 39 years old now, not old yet, I still want to have support. After the hardships on the field, I also want someone to share with. Who doesn't want to be loved. I also want to go with a friend to see the autumn in Hanoi, smell the scent of milk flowers, and chat with each other. I am passionate about my job, I want to contribute a lot to women's football. Because thanks to women's football, Van Thi Thanh is who she is today. Thanks to football, I am also better off. Football brings me many good things, so I also have to contribute appropriately. Hopefully in the future, my job will be good, and someone will come to me, that would be great.
You entered marriage while still having great ambitions for football. After retiring from professional football, what motivated you to continue pursuing your passion for football?
- I grew up at Phong Phu Ha Nam Women's Football Club, and was cared for by the leaders of the Department of Culture, Sports and Tourism, so in addition to being a professional player, I still aimed for a further goal of accumulating experience to become a coach. When I was young, I did not think I would become a coach, only focusing on my football career, but in 2010, when the team lacked a coach, the leader let me lead the Ha Nam U19 team to participate in the 2010 National U19 Championship. My teammates and I won the Gold Medal, it had been a long time since Ha Nam football had achieved that achievement. At that time, I thought, maybe I have a destiny with the coaching profession? I can still compete, but if we talk about the more distant future, I think I need to turn to a new page. I am also very happy to have the support of the club's leaders and the Department.
After giving birth, I started studying for my B coaching license in 2013. I spent a lot of time learning but didn't think about the future, just going to school and trying to do well in the assigned work. But when I joined the A course, I realized that I was thinking too simply. I just thought that I would pass on to the players exactly how I played, asking them to do exactly as I did. But in reality, it's very difficult, I shouldn't put expectations on the players.
When I was studying, I realized that, and I am grateful to those who guided me to continue studying for a Pro degree. When studying for a Pro degree, I was able to study in Japan, a developed football environment, I learned many things, from player selection and development, to leadership skills. I am grateful to the Vietnam Football Federation for creating opportunities for me to study, supporting my work so that I can have today.
During the difficult times in your marriage, did you ever think that if you had not continued with football, things would not have ended like this? Did you ever regret being so busy with football that you could not focus fully on your family?
- There is no such thing as "if only" in this life... I have sacrificed many things for football. If I did not play football, there would be many things for me to do. Maybe I would be a teacher, because I am very passionate about teaching. I used to teach at an elementary school and that was a valuable experience for me. I really like children. If I did not play football, I would probably do business and invest in real estate. But maybe because I have a connection with football, it is difficult to give it up. Football is in my blood.
Many times when I am lying down to prepare to sleep, I think and an idea comes to me, I will jump up, open the tactical board and move the troops. When the attack arrangement is having problems, how should I defend? My child asks: "Why do you watch football all day, sit and calculate all day?". I can only say that it comes from passion, and the desire to learn and explore to help the work better.
On the surface, Ms. Thanh seems to be a strong person not only in work but also in life. Do you think that resilience, along with football, is the driving force that helped you overcome the difficulties of an unfavorable marriage?
- People often think I'm strong. Even my players think so. They say I'm strict when I'm on the field. But I'm also a woman, I'm not that strong. I still worry about my family, my parents, my children, I also cried many times, I also wanted to give up many times. But behind me there are many people to take care of, my parents and children need me, so I have to be strong. Later on, I also want to be with someone who can be a solid support for me.
I hope they can sympathize and share, because I have also stumbled once so I am always cautious. Besides, I hope they can accept my job, because I am really passionate about football, so sometimes I cannot take care of my family. I am confident that I cook well, not so bad that I do not have a lover. I am also not in a hurry because I have experienced a broken heart, now I just focus on doing my job well.
What kind of person can win your heart?
- I think it's hard to find someone new, but not that hard. There are three things I think make it hard for people to come to me. One is what do people think I have to be like to break up? Two is if I'm so strong, why do I need someone else to protect me? Three is if I'm so busy, where do I have time for my family? Maybe that person wants a woman who can take care of her family, instead of being too sharp and smart. I accept those barriers. Life always forces us to make choices. There are things that we try our best but still can't get, so we have to accept them, we can't expect or make hasty decisions.
