*
I still remember clearly one winter afternoon in Hanoi, when I visited a family that was an " ideal model" in a report I wrote ten years ago. At that time, they lived in a small house along the Red River, three generations gathering together, the sound of laughter was always bustling. This time again, I stood still in front of the closed iron gate.
The only daughter works as a worker in the South and rarely returns home. The mother sat alone on the steps, her eyes closed. The father - who once told the story of laughter like water - has now moved to live elsewhere. "We are still a family, just... no longer living together," she said gently.
That story haunted me for a long time. And then I realized, family - seemingly obvious, is more vulnerable than ever in the midst of modern filming. Keeping your family a place to return to, a thing that cannot only rely on time, money or amenities. And need something deeper, warmer - a spark of fire from each person.
**
Family, sometimes just needs a hot meal.
My brother's family, if viewed from the outside, is an ideal model, a dream. You are a person with a high status and income. The wife is a civil servant. Both of them are beautiful and intelligent. However, once they met, he sighed: "I don't know if my family is still home or not? Many times when I come home from work, I just want to sit alone at a beer shop, and I don't want to go home." He said, in a sad voice: " haven't you noticed - we're having less dinner, chatting less, and touching each other's eyes is... less?"
Among the many families I have visited, from urban to rural areas, there is one thing that is easily recognizable: Each person lives in a separate world, connected by Wi-Fi, not by eyes or laughter.
I once asked a 6th grade boy: "In the evening, what do you usually do after eating rice?". She replied very quickly: "Here's the phone! The same goes for parents."
We still live in the same house, but no longer live together. Meals - which used to be a golden moment for sharing - are now just a procedure, hasty and quiet.
A pediatrician once told me: "Children are not lacking medicine, there are no toys, the most lacking thing is... parents". Not a physical presence, but a true presence - listening, seeing, understanding.
Another friend, his parents, is in his hometown, 60km from Hanoi. He set the principle: "Every week, the whole family has to go back to the countryside to eat with the grandparents". He said: "Except for special weeks, every meal with parents is also a way to maintain strong connections in the family".
There is no need for dry moral lessons, the way parents live every day is the most vivid lesson for their children. That is how the father dialogues with his mother when he disagrees. This is how I take care of my grandparents when they are sick. It is an attitude towards sellers, a way of behaving when someone misunderstands...
I once shed tears when reading a text from a 5th grade student: "My favorite time is when my father washes the dishes. Because then I would sit and rest, and laugh with you. My family is very happy, like Tet".
It was just a dishwashing. But for a child, it is family. It is love. It was a small spark that warmed my heart.
The Vietnamese family was once very proud of the three-digit and four-digit models. Grandparents not only look after grandchildren - they are the memories of life, the ones who preserve folk songs, how to make warm tea, how to teach children "the upper hand gives the lower hand".
I once interviewed an 83-year-old woman in Nam Dinh - who still cooks rice for three generations every day. She said: "I don't need you to remember me. I just need them to know how to gather so I can feel secure."
Nowadays, grandparents are often... pushed aside from life. We send our children to our grandparents, but few people ask: "Are you tired today?". A short phone call, an endless story... can also be the fire that keeps the elderly warm.
Today's young people are dynamic, talented, and courageous. But sometimes, we forget that: People born with us also need to be listened to and understood. gender differences are real - but that doesn't mean you can't connect.
A young man once told me: "I was angry with my father for a year, because he didn't understand me. Until I tried to listen to him - not just argue. Now I realized - the person who was the most heartbroken was him".
***
The family did not break down in one day. It breaks slowly - from missing words, from prolonged silences, from forgotten hugs.
I once met an old lady in a nursing home, she said: "I'm not angry with my children and grandchildren. It's just sad. Because once I called, he said he was busy. And since then, it has been 3 years."
When love is no longer spoken, even if living together, people can still feel lonely like on a deserted island.
If each person in the family keeps a spark of fire - with care, responsibility and love - then even with the storm outside, the home will still shine brightly in the heart.
Don't wait for the anniversary to say loving words. Don't wait until you lose to know how to appreciate. A psychologist advises each family:
Place your phone down when eating. Ask: Are you happy today? Spend real time together - not just by your side, but together.
****
Modern society is showing another risk. That is the situation of being afraid to get married, afraid to have children, only wanting to be free in a part of the young generation.
Quynh Trang - a final year student majoring in Communications - said that her classmates had someone in their ratio, someone was worried about holding a wedding. As for Trang, she still quietly wrote her dream in diaries: studying abroad, working as a journalist, and living her life freely.
Not only Trang, more and more young people are choosing to postpone marriage, even not getting married. They say: Love is love, but get married... to decide later. The latest data shows that the average age of marriage of Vietnamese people has reached nearly 30 for men, and nearly 28 for women - much higher than the previous generation. In Ho Chi Minh City, this number even exceeds 30. It seems that marriage is no longer a mandatory "milestone" in life's journey.
Perhaps, today's young people are more worried than we thought. They live in an era of work pressure, escalating prices, expensive housing and fierce competition. Some people want to stabilize their finances and then think about family. Some people have witnessed their parents' unhappy marriages, so they should be hesitant. Some people simply want to be free - in its true sense.
Everyone has their own life choice. However, the choice of "not having a family" can have many consequences.
Family is a place to return to, a place to nurture future generations. When young people are afraid to get married, the birth rate decreases sharply. On average, Vietnamese women currently only give birth to about 1.8 children - 2.1 lower than the "population maintenance" rate. In addition to late childbirth, Vietnam is entering a faster-than-expected population aging stage. A society lacking in young children will lack vitality, labor force and face many pressures for security.
Not only that, long periods of single life can make people more lonely in crowded places. Maybe today, we feel fine alone. But in 20 or 30 years, when we return to an empty room, will we still feel as light as that year's student afternoon?
Of course, it is impossible - and should not - force anyone to get married. But society can create conditions for marriage not to become a burden.
I have also known many male and female workers who are afraid of getting married due to economic conditions. In recent years, the local Trade Union has conducted a very meaningful activity: Organizing a collective wedding for workers.
I remember the touching story that Lao Dong Newspaper published last year about the couple Nguyen Cong Minh and Nguyen Thi Kim Ba having a wedding ceremony organized by the Can Tho City Labor Federation with many other couples. Mr. Minh is a worker at Can Tho General Printing Joint Stock Company.
He said: "My wife and I do not have the means, both parents live far away and are old, so in my mind, organizing a wedding in a neat manner is very unstable. But thanks to the mobilization and opportunity created by the City Labor Federation in all stages of organization, I was confident in participating. That day was truly a very happy day for me, my wife and children.
I am very grateful to the grassroots union at the unit and the City Labor Federation for bringing me and other couples a neat and cozy wedding ceremony. My trust in the Trade Union organization is even more solid. In the future, I will strive to produce to become a good worker, contributing to the development of the company and the Trade Union organization".
Once I was asked: "You have written a lot about society, which place do you find most beautiful?". I did not hesitate to answer: "It is a small kitchen, with laughter, hot meals, old people telling stories and children whispering around the table".
In an era where everything changes day by day, family values are still an unchanging thing - if we keep it together. A hug, an apology, a meal with many aspects... are simple things but can keep a whole family together.
