But in the evening, when the lights are off, the feeling of not being sad, not being happy, not being in pain but also not being happy is always present in him. People often say "I'm old age". It sounds like experience, but it's actually tiring.
Being emotionally indifferent is not because we don't have emotions, but because we have used them for too long in a frugal mode. Love is also cautious, sadness is also suppressed, joy is only daring to be just enough. We are afraid of disappointment, so we learn to not expect it. Afraid of pain, so we learn not to feel deeply. Gradually, emotions are like muscles not being used, still there, but weak and lazy to react.
Some people think that just changing the environment is enough. Moving jobs, moving houses, traveling alone, checking-in in "healing" places. But emotions are not a suitcase to leave behind at the old airport. It follows us very well, very loyally.
We can stand in front of the sea, take very beautiful photos, but in our hearts we still feel missing, as if we are looking at our lives through a glass. Not really sad, just untouchable like Vuong Gia Ve's movie "Tam trang khi yeu".
Emotional inertia is often not due to life being bland, but because we are used to pushing too many things under our consciousness. Small injuries are not named. Disappointments are wrapped up in the phrase "let it go". When we are not listened to, AQ thinks we are inherently strong.
People who are emotionally indifferent are usually very polite. They are not explosive, not drama, do not bother anyone. They are okay in a way that society likes very much. But the price to pay is that they also do not allow themselves to be weak. They are used to handling everything rationally to the point of forgetting emotions that do not need to be resolved, just need to be recognized.
Emotions are not a light switch. It's also not about continuing to change appearances. Sometimes, what needs to be done is to stop avoiding. Allow yourself to be sad without noble reasons. Allow yourself to feel empty without rushing to fill it with busyness. Sit still with a slight discomfort, like sitting next to a friend who is not talking but not leaving.
Maybe the path to escape emotionlessness comes very naturally. Just one day, you burst out laughing louder than usual, making everyone around you surprised. Another day, you find yourself sad and let the silence of sadness permeate and then pass.
No need for intense emotions to live. Just feeling it, even very gently, is already a step back. And who knows, in those small vibrations, we will meet ourselves again, a version that has never disappeared, just waited a long time to be called by its name.
