At the age of 52, To Huu Bang for the first time frankly revealed the pain he had hidden for 30 years. Behind the choice not to marry, not to have children was a childhood that was heavily restrained and dominated by his family.
When talking about his teenage years, he recounted that he often studied all night long. There was a year in middle school when he scored 100 points in all Math exams. But that excellence brought To Huu Bang pain that would last for life.
He choked up and said: "My mother has never chosen to see me. There were times when I hated myself, thinking to myself: "You are so good, you deserve it, people don't even pay attention to you", the actor's eyes were red, his hand holding a paper towel trembling.
When To Huu Bang was 15 years old, his mother secretly registered him to participate in an idol selection program, pushing him into the entertainment industry.
At that time, the family fell into poverty because his father failed to invest and bore a huge debt. His elderly mother still had to retake the pedagogical certificate to earn money to cover living expenses.
The burden of making a living weighs on the whole family to the point of suffocation. To Huu Bang's entry into the entertainment industry became a "lifeline" for the whole family.
When Truong Tuyen Linh asked: "Did you start "becoming a father" from the age of 15?", To Huu Bang paused for a moment and replied: "Earlier than that".
From the moment he stepped into the entertainment industry, he lost the right to be a normal child. As the "good tiger" of the band Tieu Ho Doi, he is forced to maintain a bright, understanding, and positive image; in front of the camera, he is not allowed to make mistakes even a little bit.
Behind the lens, he both runs shows, practices singing and dancing, and takes advantage of studying, absolutely should not neglect studying.
When he ventured into directing, he pushed perfectionism to the extreme. The script of "Left Ear" was revised 106 times, from casting to filming, every detail was personally controlled by him.
The handsome man "Hoan Chau Cach Cach" frankly said in an interview: "I don't even have the right to rebel in puberty". Other people's youth is skipping school, early love, playing games; while his youth is just running schedules, memorizing lines, doing exam questions.
Prolonged repression makes him accustomed to self-digesting emotions, no matter how hard it is, pretending it's okay. He said that people who are strong for too long will dig trenches around them, preventing those who want to comfort them.
For decades in the entertainment industry, whenever asked about marriage, To Huu Bang always said: "Marriage depends on fate, if you haven't met the right person, you are absolutely not reluctant.
Outsiders think he is too picky, or too valuing his career, but few people understand that behind the choice not to marry is the "dark shadow" of the family and deep resistance to intimate relationships.
The marriage of parents in childhood was a nightmare for To Huu Bang: the violence of the father, the patience of the mother made him never feel what a healthy marriage is.
In his eyes, marriage is just arguments, suffocation and responsibility, completely without love or warmth. From a young age, he no longer expected marriage, even avoided it.
Mother's indifference made him believe that: "I don't deserve to be loved". His whole life he used effort to exchange for recognition, but never believed that anyone would love and accept him unconditionally.
In intimate relationships, To Huu Bang always uses "perfection" to disguise himself, not daring to reveal even a little weakness.
At the age of 52, the actor dared to vent all his feelings: "I don't want to continue playing perfect roles anymore".
